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When to help our adult children?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 94227" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Like you GG, I was pretty much on my own at 18, and alone. I paid my own rent, car insurance, food bills, gas, car loan and worked full time, sometimes picking up extra hours to make ends meet. But that was better than moving 3000 miles away to where my parents retired at the time. I still had money to go out with friends on the weekends. It was hard and I know if I asked my mom probably would have given me a little something, but I had pride and didn't EVER ask. When I divorced from exh, I went on public assistance for a brief period of time. Public assistance is great (albeit extremely humiliating at times) but it was always about $100 short to meet my needs in caring for my children. My mom sent me $100 a month to help cover that difference. I even told her not to, but she insisted. Every day I am grateful for her help and I have in turn been afforded the opportunity to help her in kind. After her H died, she was neck high in debt and my siblings and I all kicked her a few bucks each month until she got back on her feet. She didn't want to take it, but she had to. It's what family does.</p><p></p><p>There is a HUGE difference between enabling someone and simply being family and doing as family does. When my daughters are fully grown adults and if they are working hard to make a life for themselves, are responsible in every way and need help, I will help them. I don't see anything wrong with that. I can't wait to babysit my grandkids when I can, hopeful that they will live close by. </p><p></p><p>I don't think you're enabling your kids nor do I think you're hovering, helicopter parenting, or crippling them. If they were constantly getting themselves into jams and you were constantly rescuing them, then yes, I'd say that was not the healthiest thing, but that's not the case, is it? &#9829;</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 94227, member: 2211"] Like you GG, I was pretty much on my own at 18, and alone. I paid my own rent, car insurance, food bills, gas, car loan and worked full time, sometimes picking up extra hours to make ends meet. But that was better than moving 3000 miles away to where my parents retired at the time. I still had money to go out with friends on the weekends. It was hard and I know if I asked my mom probably would have given me a little something, but I had pride and didn't EVER ask. When I divorced from exh, I went on public assistance for a brief period of time. Public assistance is great (albeit extremely humiliating at times) but it was always about $100 short to meet my needs in caring for my children. My mom sent me $100 a month to help cover that difference. I even told her not to, but she insisted. Every day I am grateful for her help and I have in turn been afforded the opportunity to help her in kind. After her H died, she was neck high in debt and my siblings and I all kicked her a few bucks each month until she got back on her feet. She didn't want to take it, but she had to. It's what family does. There is a HUGE difference between enabling someone and simply being family and doing as family does. When my daughters are fully grown adults and if they are working hard to make a life for themselves, are responsible in every way and need help, I will help them. I don't see anything wrong with that. I can't wait to babysit my grandkids when I can, hopeful that they will live close by. I don't think you're enabling your kids nor do I think you're hovering, helicopter parenting, or crippling them. If they were constantly getting themselves into jams and you were constantly rescuing them, then yes, I'd say that was not the healthiest thing, but that's not the case, is it? ♥ [/QUOTE]
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