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When to help our adult children?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 94296" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>What good timing, GG. I was wrestling with this same dilemma and had considered starting a thread on the subject.</p><p></p><p>As some of you may remember, my difficult child seems to be doing remarkably well. She is living on her own, delivering pizza for a living, and going to school fulltime at a local commmunity college.</p><p></p><p>We are also getting along great. I actually like spending time with her and she gives me hugs and tells me that she loves me when she leaves. I never thought I would be saying that a couple of years ago.</p><p></p><p>So what's the problem? As our relationship has gotten better, difficult child is expecting more and more material things. She will call me and say, "mom, I need some new jeans, can we go shopping?" and then expect me to pay for them. Or she will be short $25 for the rent and asks for help.</p><p></p><p>The more we help, the more she asks for. The thing is, delivering pizza barely pays her bills plus she was sick for a week and couldn't work so she was short the money for the rent. So we did help out. Her car has also needed major work and she couldn't afford to fix it so we had to pay for it. Not getting it fixed was not an option because she needs the car to work. Luckily, financially, it was not a problem for us but I do worry about her becoming too dependent on us.</p><p></p><p>One one hand, I'm thinking "do to get" and she is doing all the right things right now. On the other hand, the more we help the more she expects from us and the less independent she is.</p><p></p><p>So it's a real dilemma. I wish I had an answer for you but I am in the same place right now.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 94296, member: 1967"] What good timing, GG. I was wrestling with this same dilemma and had considered starting a thread on the subject. As some of you may remember, my difficult child seems to be doing remarkably well. She is living on her own, delivering pizza for a living, and going to school fulltime at a local commmunity college. We are also getting along great. I actually like spending time with her and she gives me hugs and tells me that she loves me when she leaves. I never thought I would be saying that a couple of years ago. So what's the problem? As our relationship has gotten better, difficult child is expecting more and more material things. She will call me and say, "mom, I need some new jeans, can we go shopping?" and then expect me to pay for them. Or she will be short $25 for the rent and asks for help. The more we help, the more she asks for. The thing is, delivering pizza barely pays her bills plus she was sick for a week and couldn't work so she was short the money for the rent. So we did help out. Her car has also needed major work and she couldn't afford to fix it so we had to pay for it. Not getting it fixed was not an option because she needs the car to work. Luckily, financially, it was not a problem for us but I do worry about her becoming too dependent on us. One one hand, I'm thinking "do to get" and she is doing all the right things right now. On the other hand, the more we help the more she expects from us and the less independent she is. So it's a real dilemma. I wish I had an answer for you but I am in the same place right now. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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