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Parent Emeritus
When to help our adult children?
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<blockquote data-quote="fedup" data-source="post: 94406" data-attributes="member: 17"><p>What a timely subject! This kind of came up at my counseling session last week. It was more to do with boandaries (or not having any) than it had to do with money. All in all, it can blend in.</p><p></p><p>I have helped all of our children out at one time or another. One is completely paid off, one is almost paid off, and two have a ways to go yet. In fact, the one that is paid off just loaned Dad money for a beater car, because his gave out, anad we didn't have any money saved to replace it. I don't give cash out, but I have paid for clothes, food, car, gas, and utilities. Though I paid at least 3 utility bills for one, the house still was lost. The cell phones and other phone were lost. One has paid me off once, but borrowed more, and owes the house a bill, too. Also, I have paid for cat food and litter. That, I usually get reimbursed for very quickly. </p><p></p><p>I think the trick is to know when the need is valid and when you are going to be taken for a ride. I have been taken for a ride once by some"friends", and once by a family member.</p><p></p><p>While my folks weren't certain they could loan me some money when I needed it, my oldest brother would just ask How much and how do I need it. I have paid my parents back, but my brother didn't ever want it back- what we borrowed was closing costs on our house and tuition for school one time. We are barely to the plces (I'm sad to say) where I could pay him back. However, I just have the gut feeling something serious would come up as soon as I paid it, and then we would be in a jam again.</p><p></p><p>Hubby is not good at waiting to geet what he wants, so his credit is blown. Mine is getting better, because I am not using it much, and am paying extra.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="fedup, post: 94406, member: 17"] What a timely subject! This kind of came up at my counseling session last week. It was more to do with boandaries (or not having any) than it had to do with money. All in all, it can blend in. I have helped all of our children out at one time or another. One is completely paid off, one is almost paid off, and two have a ways to go yet. In fact, the one that is paid off just loaned Dad money for a beater car, because his gave out, anad we didn't have any money saved to replace it. I don't give cash out, but I have paid for clothes, food, car, gas, and utilities. Though I paid at least 3 utility bills for one, the house still was lost. The cell phones and other phone were lost. One has paid me off once, but borrowed more, and owes the house a bill, too. Also, I have paid for cat food and litter. That, I usually get reimbursed for very quickly. I think the trick is to know when the need is valid and when you are going to be taken for a ride. I have been taken for a ride once by some"friends", and once by a family member. While my folks weren't certain they could loan me some money when I needed it, my oldest brother would just ask How much and how do I need it. I have paid my parents back, but my brother didn't ever want it back- what we borrowed was closing costs on our house and tuition for school one time. We are barely to the plces (I'm sad to say) where I could pay him back. However, I just have the gut feeling something serious would come up as soon as I paid it, and then we would be in a jam again. Hubby is not good at waiting to geet what he wants, so his credit is blown. Mine is getting better, because I am not using it much, and am paying extra. [/QUOTE]
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