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When to help our adult children?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearthope" data-source="post: 94455" data-attributes="member: 2389"><p>Reading all these post have made me think deeper about my post question on helping my son..</p><p></p><p>My parents spent almost all the money they had to rescue my difficult child brother, when I came along it was you made your bed lie in it! </p><p></p><p>I have been homeless, I have been in battered woman shelters and I have lived in public housing. I would not have asked my parents for a dime. I think it was pride and proving to them I didn't need them. But, those feelings came from the hurt of being disowned because of my choice to keep my bi-racial children.</p><p></p><p>Fast - forward to the past 8 yrs, they have tried to make up for the lost time. As they have aged, they have given each of us siblings money and helped at times without asking and would not accept any payback. This is only after seeing each of us working hard and being responsible.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard I struggled and how it feels to be unloved and hungry and I have a hard time imagining sitting back and letting my own children experience it. I think it only made me bitter and it has taking me years to change my outlook.</p><p></p><p>Our parents grew up in different times, they know mostly just what their parents did to them, or that is what I seem to get from mine.</p><p></p><p>I think the world is harder now, I think that a hand up is different than a hand out. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for the thread, It is helping me search deeper for the answers to helping my son. I hadn't put my past into my thoughts before reading this and now I have a better understanding of why I feel such a need to give him the hand up.</p><p></p><p>Traci</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearthope, post: 94455, member: 2389"] Reading all these post have made me think deeper about my post question on helping my son.. My parents spent almost all the money they had to rescue my difficult child brother, when I came along it was you made your bed lie in it! I have been homeless, I have been in battered woman shelters and I have lived in public housing. I would not have asked my parents for a dime. I think it was pride and proving to them I didn't need them. But, those feelings came from the hurt of being disowned because of my choice to keep my bi-racial children. Fast - forward to the past 8 yrs, they have tried to make up for the lost time. As they have aged, they have given each of us siblings money and helped at times without asking and would not accept any payback. This is only after seeing each of us working hard and being responsible. I know how hard I struggled and how it feels to be unloved and hungry and I have a hard time imagining sitting back and letting my own children experience it. I think it only made me bitter and it has taking me years to change my outlook. Our parents grew up in different times, they know mostly just what their parents did to them, or that is what I seem to get from mine. I think the world is harder now, I think that a hand up is different than a hand out. Thanks for the thread, It is helping me search deeper for the answers to helping my son. I hadn't put my past into my thoughts before reading this and now I have a better understanding of why I feel such a need to give him the hand up. Traci [/QUOTE]
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