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When to step in - when to stay out ....
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 363206" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Oh, trust me, Star ... they were the good kind of tears. What you've done in your posts is to give me a window into the kind of thinking that can only come from somone who has been there. Many people have helped me in many ways, but this has been invaluable information. I wish my daughter could meet you! I would love for her to have someone who can relate to what she is thinking - even when she doesn't know what she's thinking.</p><p> </p><p>In the last year, I'v really come to realize what this divorce did to her. She tired so hard to be brave, but you are right. Someone else left her. Her dad is pretty detatched - hates confrontation - did not say too very much about her NC adventure.... he loves her, but he's been pretty distant since she moved back with me. I can't help but wonder if some of this boy stuff isn't just her way of getting him to pull out the shotgun and act like a dad. I wanted to believe I could be strong enough for both of us, but that was just good old denial doing it's work to protect the heart. the divorce was a real catch 22. He had a long term affair and difficult child found out (I didn't tell her) and even found out who it was - a sweet young pretty married (vacant) thing who dumped him the minute he was really free. He denied the affair for five months (moved out after two) following discovery, went to marriage counseling, lied the whole time and finally confessed. He claimed he wanted to save the marriage, but then kept seeing her. I called it quits two months afer that. Had I stayed with him, I would model to her that his behavior was ok - that I couldn't take function without a man.... you get the picture. I know you weren't insinuating I should have stayed, but this is useful history. I lost not matter what I chose, but I do believe I chose the best of the evils. </p><p> </p><p>I do need to get back to counseling. Money has been an issue and the therapist I was seeing is no longer on my insurance. I go from COBRA to medicare in three weeks. I am on disability, or I wouldn't have insurance at all. Gotta lovre the divorce fairy.</p><p> </p><p>I know she has had the rich and beautiful bio mom fantasy. I think her decision to not search right now has more to do with the doubts you described. Her therapist was talking with her about the possible scenarios ... I do support her decision either way and I'm staying out of it. What I pray for is another matter.</p><p> </p><p>Thank you, again, my dear.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 363206, member: 9175"] Oh, trust me, Star ... they were the good kind of tears. What you've done in your posts is to give me a window into the kind of thinking that can only come from somone who has been there. Many people have helped me in many ways, but this has been invaluable information. I wish my daughter could meet you! I would love for her to have someone who can relate to what she is thinking - even when she doesn't know what she's thinking. In the last year, I'v really come to realize what this divorce did to her. She tired so hard to be brave, but you are right. Someone else left her. Her dad is pretty detatched - hates confrontation - did not say too very much about her NC adventure.... he loves her, but he's been pretty distant since she moved back with me. I can't help but wonder if some of this boy stuff isn't just her way of getting him to pull out the shotgun and act like a dad. I wanted to believe I could be strong enough for both of us, but that was just good old denial doing it's work to protect the heart. the divorce was a real catch 22. He had a long term affair and difficult child found out (I didn't tell her) and even found out who it was - a sweet young pretty married (vacant) thing who dumped him the minute he was really free. He denied the affair for five months (moved out after two) following discovery, went to marriage counseling, lied the whole time and finally confessed. He claimed he wanted to save the marriage, but then kept seeing her. I called it quits two months afer that. Had I stayed with him, I would model to her that his behavior was ok - that I couldn't take function without a man.... you get the picture. I know you weren't insinuating I should have stayed, but this is useful history. I lost not matter what I chose, but I do believe I chose the best of the evils. I do need to get back to counseling. Money has been an issue and the therapist I was seeing is no longer on my insurance. I go from COBRA to medicare in three weeks. I am on disability, or I wouldn't have insurance at all. Gotta lovre the divorce fairy. I know she has had the rich and beautiful bio mom fantasy. I think her decision to not search right now has more to do with the doubts you described. Her therapist was talking with her about the possible scenarios ... I do support her decision either way and I'm staying out of it. What I pray for is another matter. Thank you, again, my dear. [/QUOTE]
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