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<blockquote data-quote="loricbme" data-source="post: 75651" data-attributes="member: 2036"><p>This thread hits so close to home it's not even funny. I recently called a plumber to do some much needed work and husband was only accepting of one thing done. He just gets into the "we don't have the money right now" mode. It's funny though, when he wants to do something like going golfing with his buddies, there is always plenty of money. I don't get it either. Before calling the plumber I had to take a step back and ask myself, "what would my mother do?" Ring... Ring... Ring. You know the saying that you marry someone like your father? Well, I did. Not intentionally, that's for sure. We don't have the WOW issues but my husband is gone a lot with work. He uses that excuse ALL the time. "but I'm never home... I can't because of work, blah, blah, blah". It was a struggle for us to find any time to do things together and joined a golf club this year. It has helped. Especially when difficult child is at school. Gets us a little one on one time without interruptions. Sometimes even golfing together isn't good because he gets all golf pro on me and tries to tell me everything I'm doing wrong. I have told him over and over to not talk to me while I'm getting ready to hit or immediately after I hit. Did he listen? Nope. I do know that he likes me and wants to spend time with me, so that's a plus. </p><p></p><p>I just don't get husbands who don't help out. That is why I'm a stay at home mom. I lost my job three years ago and ended up staying home because that was also the first time we were aware of difficult child issues. husband is always pushing for me to work outside the home and I told him that I have been there done that and not got an ounce of help from him so until he can commit to helping around the house - his house - I won't be working because I have far too much to do here since I do it all on my own. The only thing I hold him accountable for is cutting grass. And he still barely gets it done. I'm not exaggerating, he cut the grass twice this summer. I wanted soooo badly to cut it myself but just told myself no. We had our neighbors over for a bonfire a couple of weeks ago and I was making jokes about all of our neighbors seeing him pack up his golf clubs several times a week and they were going to block his car in our driveway till he cut the grass. LOL They laughed but they keep their yard pristine. </p><p></p><p>It probably seems like I'm ranting a bit, which I am, but it also shows us all that many of us have the same issues. I know that if my marriage were to end I wouldn't have it any better with a different man, just different issues. </p><p></p><p>The only advice I could give is to cut the power to the computer. LOL 16 hours of gaming on a weekend day is unfathomable to me. I can really tell that this hurts you very much. You really like him and want to spend time with him. Sometimes when we feel ignored it makes us want that person even more. Several years ago when I was working and taking care of difficult child and home, I didn't wash any of his white close for two weeks. He came to me one day and said, "do I have any clean, white clothes? I can't find any." I said, "I don't know, have you washed any lately?". Talk about passive aggressive! I'm not proud of it but sometimes it works more for me to not say anything than to nag. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and prayers to you with this situation. </p><p></p><p>Lori</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="loricbme, post: 75651, member: 2036"] This thread hits so close to home it's not even funny. I recently called a plumber to do some much needed work and husband was only accepting of one thing done. He just gets into the "we don't have the money right now" mode. It's funny though, when he wants to do something like going golfing with his buddies, there is always plenty of money. I don't get it either. Before calling the plumber I had to take a step back and ask myself, "what would my mother do?" Ring... Ring... Ring. You know the saying that you marry someone like your father? Well, I did. Not intentionally, that's for sure. We don't have the WOW issues but my husband is gone a lot with work. He uses that excuse ALL the time. "but I'm never home... I can't because of work, blah, blah, blah". It was a struggle for us to find any time to do things together and joined a golf club this year. It has helped. Especially when difficult child is at school. Gets us a little one on one time without interruptions. Sometimes even golfing together isn't good because he gets all golf pro on me and tries to tell me everything I'm doing wrong. I have told him over and over to not talk to me while I'm getting ready to hit or immediately after I hit. Did he listen? Nope. I do know that he likes me and wants to spend time with me, so that's a plus. I just don't get husbands who don't help out. That is why I'm a stay at home mom. I lost my job three years ago and ended up staying home because that was also the first time we were aware of difficult child issues. husband is always pushing for me to work outside the home and I told him that I have been there done that and not got an ounce of help from him so until he can commit to helping around the house - his house - I won't be working because I have far too much to do here since I do it all on my own. The only thing I hold him accountable for is cutting grass. And he still barely gets it done. I'm not exaggerating, he cut the grass twice this summer. I wanted soooo badly to cut it myself but just told myself no. We had our neighbors over for a bonfire a couple of weeks ago and I was making jokes about all of our neighbors seeing him pack up his golf clubs several times a week and they were going to block his car in our driveway till he cut the grass. LOL They laughed but they keep their yard pristine. It probably seems like I'm ranting a bit, which I am, but it also shows us all that many of us have the same issues. I know that if my marriage were to end I wouldn't have it any better with a different man, just different issues. The only advice I could give is to cut the power to the computer. LOL 16 hours of gaming on a weekend day is unfathomable to me. I can really tell that this hurts you very much. You really like him and want to spend time with him. Sometimes when we feel ignored it makes us want that person even more. Several years ago when I was working and taking care of difficult child and home, I didn't wash any of his white close for two weeks. He came to me one day and said, "do I have any clean, white clothes? I can't find any." I said, "I don't know, have you washed any lately?". Talk about passive aggressive! I'm not proud of it but sometimes it works more for me to not say anything than to nag. Good luck and prayers to you with this situation. Lori [/QUOTE]
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