My son is 10 and is just now "getting it."
Since your son is older it will take awhile.
Get used to the tantrums--at least he's home in his room!!! He'll learn. Be consistent.
It is very depressing. I want to go through just one day with-o a fight. But I know it will pay off in the end.
And you know it too or you wouldn't be here.
For awhile, I walked to every single neighbor's house to find my son. It wasn't just him... it was the neighbors. They didn't "get it." (It's bad enough dealing with-a kid like that but when the neighbors don't cooperate... sheesh!). There are some houses where he's not allowed to go inside at all because they play video games all day when it's sunny and he's supposed to be outside (he's mildly ADHD and the speed and light on videos makes him crazy... he's GOT to exercise).
Staying calm is the hard part. When he yells and swears, he's angry, but he's also trying to get your goat. You're the bad guy. Since he's going to yell anyway, you may as well have him yelling because you lowered the boom. When you think about it, that gives you control. You KNOW he's going to blow up so just take a deep breath and say a mantra or something.
What sort of projects does he do with-toiletries or "nice things" as you say? Can you be more specific? Can you direct that behavior in any way?
Just wondering.
