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Family of Origin
When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666788" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm so sorry, Copa. I am sad too.</p><p></p><p>The saddest part, in my opinion, is that we were given these rules as children.</p><p></p><p>"Are you in? You make me feel good or you're out." (Mother)</p><p></p><p>I was not a feel good kid. I think I've mentioned I had learning and behavioral challenges that needed a strong parental role model, strong boundaries and support and I probably hurt my mother's feelings at age three when I kicked her away when she tried to hold me. Or stiffened in her arms as an infant. Or threw a tantrum when she hurt MY feelings as a kid. </p><p></p><p>But Vain hurt my kids. That's what bothers me/bothered me the most about him. Ever tell you that story? And Vain, by the way, was just my uncle. He wouldn't matter, except that my mother WORSHIPPED him and anything he did/said was ok. </p><p></p><p>Blah, don't want to tell the story about Vain and my kids now, but he used them, as he used everybody. And everybody let him use them. They were around him "as needed by him." </p><p></p><p>But I was the kid!!!!!</p><p></p><p>So because I didn't make her "feel good" she took it out on me. And let her brother, Uncle Vain, call me "the brat" as she laughed white saying, "Now, Vain, stop that."</p><p></p><p>He was a bigger brat than me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /></p><p></p><p>Really.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, Copa, I hope you feel better and stay out of bed and enjoy our holiday weekend with M. Truly, he sounds like a delightful man. I'm not surprised such a good man chose you. You are both lucky to have one another.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you have a good weekend and holiday with hubby too! You are both also very lucky!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666788, member: 1550"] I'm so sorry, Copa. I am sad too. The saddest part, in my opinion, is that we were given these rules as children. "Are you in? You make me feel good or you're out." (Mother) I was not a feel good kid. I think I've mentioned I had learning and behavioral challenges that needed a strong parental role model, strong boundaries and support and I probably hurt my mother's feelings at age three when I kicked her away when she tried to hold me. Or stiffened in her arms as an infant. Or threw a tantrum when she hurt MY feelings as a kid. But Vain hurt my kids. That's what bothers me/bothered me the most about him. Ever tell you that story? And Vain, by the way, was just my uncle. He wouldn't matter, except that my mother WORSHIPPED him and anything he did/said was ok. Blah, don't want to tell the story about Vain and my kids now, but he used them, as he used everybody. And everybody let him use them. They were around him "as needed by him." But I was the kid!!!!! So because I didn't make her "feel good" she took it out on me. And let her brother, Uncle Vain, call me "the brat" as she laughed white saying, "Now, Vain, stop that." He was a bigger brat than me :p Really. At any rate, Copa, I hope you feel better and stay out of bed and enjoy our holiday weekend with M. Truly, he sounds like a delightful man. I'm not surprised such a good man chose you. You are both lucky to have one another. Cedar, you have a good weekend and holiday with hubby too! You are both also very lucky!!! [/QUOTE]
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When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
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