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When You & You S/O Aren't On The Same Page
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 751121" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>We are trying to assume we can control your husband here and that this will work.</p><p></p><p>I think the only solution, if one exists, os to accept that you have different views and no judgmemt because judgment doesn't work. it just causes strive and your daughter may try to triangulate.</p><p></p><p>Do nothing for 24 hours and think.</p><p></p><p>The best solutions are somebody who can talk to and accept you both with respect and to compromise. Has your daughter hurt her baby? Sounds like your husband wants his life back. I can't blame him. Or you.</p><p></p><p>Marriage counseling to me is good. We did it as my husband and I were not always on the same page. I catastrophized and felt he glossed over things. With enough therapy we came togetjer and I came to see that my husband was being calm and I wasnt and that both of us had valid points of view. It was the only way we coupd have come together. In truth, we have no control over Kays parental rights to Jaden. We will step in ads will others in an emerhency but my fears have not happened.</p><p></p><p>Mediation is in the courts with no legal teeth and you don't have custody anyway.</p><p></p><p>The possibilities of disregarding hisbands wish of freedom, which is reasonable, could be divorce. If so you will be the bad guy and your daughter could side with him and your worst fears could be realized. Or not. Again, can your daughter not sit for her child for one night a week?</p><p></p><p>If not, its lawyer time and you need to attempt legal custody and try to take away hers. Will your husband fight for this in court?</p><p></p><p>The fact is no matter how logical you feel there are many X factors here and no chance without compromise. I have been there. Absolutely no offense to Copa, but fathers trump stepfathers of ten years, when the child was already an adult.</p><p></p><p>Dad will continue to be dad forever and he has a strong voice, even if you don't agree with it. Your daughter may be very dysfunctional but she has parental rights of this child. So everyoneust be respected and compromises made.</p><p></p><p>I, as an Al Anon member, learned not to judge others nor to believe you r answers are the best ones or even possible to put into place.</p><p></p><p>Therapy to me makes sense. If you want to hear how right you are, go to therapy alone. I did this once but it didn't touch my husband. Therapy with real solutions includes your hisband too. Maybe daughter. Lay would not go.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter and husband are adults who will do what they like or leave. You are not a single parent and your daughter is not a minor. You can not control them. Not even if you feel 100 percent right. They think they are right.</p><p></p><p>Try therapy. If you divorce then you will have no control at all. Or if you don't divorce but are at odds. </p><p></p><p>Pleaise know my intention is my experience and not meant to hurt you. i just want the best solution for ypur family.</p><p></p><p>Warning: It will npt be pergect in any of your minds. Bit compromise beats conflict.</p><p></p><p>Be well and God bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 751121, member: 23706"] We are trying to assume we can control your husband here and that this will work. I think the only solution, if one exists, os to accept that you have different views and no judgmemt because judgment doesn't work. it just causes strive and your daughter may try to triangulate. Do nothing for 24 hours and think. The best solutions are somebody who can talk to and accept you both with respect and to compromise. Has your daughter hurt her baby? Sounds like your husband wants his life back. I can't blame him. Or you. Marriage counseling to me is good. We did it as my husband and I were not always on the same page. I catastrophized and felt he glossed over things. With enough therapy we came togetjer and I came to see that my husband was being calm and I wasnt and that both of us had valid points of view. It was the only way we coupd have come together. In truth, we have no control over Kays parental rights to Jaden. We will step in ads will others in an emerhency but my fears have not happened. Mediation is in the courts with no legal teeth and you don't have custody anyway. The possibilities of disregarding hisbands wish of freedom, which is reasonable, could be divorce. If so you will be the bad guy and your daughter could side with him and your worst fears could be realized. Or not. Again, can your daughter not sit for her child for one night a week? If not, its lawyer time and you need to attempt legal custody and try to take away hers. Will your husband fight for this in court? The fact is no matter how logical you feel there are many X factors here and no chance without compromise. I have been there. Absolutely no offense to Copa, but fathers trump stepfathers of ten years, when the child was already an adult. Dad will continue to be dad forever and he has a strong voice, even if you don't agree with it. Your daughter may be very dysfunctional but she has parental rights of this child. So everyoneust be respected and compromises made. I, as an Al Anon member, learned not to judge others nor to believe you r answers are the best ones or even possible to put into place. Therapy to me makes sense. If you want to hear how right you are, go to therapy alone. I did this once but it didn't touch my husband. Therapy with real solutions includes your hisband too. Maybe daughter. Lay would not go. Your daughter and husband are adults who will do what they like or leave. You are not a single parent and your daughter is not a minor. You can not control them. Not even if you feel 100 percent right. They think they are right. Try therapy. If you divorce then you will have no control at all. Or if you don't divorce but are at odds. Pleaise know my intention is my experience and not meant to hurt you. i just want the best solution for ypur family. Warning: It will npt be pergect in any of your minds. Bit compromise beats conflict. Be well and God bless. [/QUOTE]
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