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When your difficult child chooses to shut you out....
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 375281" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">{{{Dash}}} I always enjoyed a very close relationship with my easy child - still do, though on different terms.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">This past year has been terrible with her. It felt like a delayed adolescence, but for her, this past year was filled with some healthy changes and decisions. I cannot say that I agree with everything she's done, but I know that the foundation she's received is sturdy and that she will be okay in the end. She's growing and changing and I have stumbled along the way, felt a lot of pain through her rejection and I have mourned the loss of the young woman I KNEW...and have slowly come to accept the person she's slowly evolving into.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">The bottom line, for me, is that I needed to learn acceptance. Acceptance that she is an adult and acceptance that I have no contol over it. The good news is that once I began accepting her as she is and treating her more like a young adult (respecting her decisions and allowing her to learn by her own mistakes) I was able to overcome my pain and she was able to overcome her resentment. We're getting back to being able to joke around and be close again. It took a little while, and it's not perfect because there are times when I feel her absence to a massive degree, but we're getting better. She actually came away to PA with me this past weekend and last week we went out to dinner and a movie. No attitude. And at the end of our time together, she went to her home and I went to mine. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Acceptance is also what helped me deal with both difficult child's detachment from me and me from hers. I think you need to find ways in which to fill your life with more things and people who feed your soul and time. I went back to school and I continue to work on my marriage and myself, figure out personal interests outside of my family, strengthen friendships, etc. At this stage, it's important to let her feel her own way and you start turning the focus back onto yourself. I really believe everything has a way of falling into place. Hugs.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 375281, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]{{{Dash}}} I always enjoyed a very close relationship with my easy child - still do, though on different terms.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]This past year has been terrible with her. It felt like a delayed adolescence, but for her, this past year was filled with some healthy changes and decisions. I cannot say that I agree with everything she's done, but I know that the foundation she's received is sturdy and that she will be okay in the end. She's growing and changing and I have stumbled along the way, felt a lot of pain through her rejection and I have mourned the loss of the young woman I KNEW...and have slowly come to accept the person she's slowly evolving into.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]The bottom line, for me, is that I needed to learn acceptance. Acceptance that she is an adult and acceptance that I have no contol over it. The good news is that once I began accepting her as she is and treating her more like a young adult (respecting her decisions and allowing her to learn by her own mistakes) I was able to overcome my pain and she was able to overcome her resentment. We're getting back to being able to joke around and be close again. It took a little while, and it's not perfect because there are times when I feel her absence to a massive degree, but we're getting better. She actually came away to PA with me this past weekend and last week we went out to dinner and a movie. No attitude. And at the end of our time together, she went to her home and I went to mine. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Acceptance is also what helped me deal with both difficult child's detachment from me and me from hers. I think you need to find ways in which to fill your life with more things and people who feed your soul and time. I went back to school and I continue to work on my marriage and myself, figure out personal interests outside of my family, strengthen friendships, etc. At this stage, it's important to let her feel her own way and you start turning the focus back onto yourself. I really believe everything has a way of falling into place. Hugs.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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