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When your parent is a 'difficult child' ?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 80569" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think Beth has a really good idea, if only your mum will let you - go to the doctor with her, for her next appointment.</p><p></p><p>The main thing I think Janet & I were both on about, is to be sure that you're not merely labelling it as addiction, simply because of what she feels she has to take, and why. But if, after all this discussion, you still feel addiction is at least part of the problem, then go ahead and see what you can do. Janet dug up some good resources which you seem to have got some good value out of. Whatever you do now, it is with a much better knowledge base which should make it easier for you to go more accurately to the heart of the problem.</p><p></p><p>If you cannot get in to see the doctor with your mother, then either telephone the doctor or write him a letter expressing your concerns and describing recent behaviour concerns. Be aware - the doctor may mention this to your mother or show her the letter - bear this in mind as you write it and weigh your decisions and words carefully. I have given you a picture into how she would be thinking/feeling, if she is NOT abusing her medications. If she is, then you can ramp up the paranoia another few notches. You need to be prepared for the fallout.</p><p></p><p>She should have more doctors than just the pain doctor. I would be deeply concerned if she does not - all the pain specialist can do, or should be doing, is dealing with the chronic pain. He should have other doctors to liaise with, concerning the other aspects of her health issues. She should have a GP and either a neurologist or immunologist (or similar). If she does not, it is not the pain specialist's fault necessarily - but he needs to know there is nobody else keeping her health on as even a keel as possible. But ten - this could be an aspect of the US health system which costs such a vast amount if you are ill. When you've got a choice between paying yet another doctor, or being able to afford your pain medications - I know what I'd be doing, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>Where is your father in this? I'm not quite sure. if he feels she really needs the pain medications and is not abusing them, then he will resemble an enabler, but is actually doing his job. If she IS an addict and he is supporting this because she is less violent when she's doped up, then he IS enabling and it is an unhealthy codependent relationship.</p><p></p><p>Maybe a starting point for your expressed concerns could be to publicly ACCEPT that she needs the pain medications, but express concerns that she may be having a behaviour reaction to the medications, similar to my father's hallucinations on it (I know others react the same way). There ARE other medications with similar degree of effect available now (I love new developments), which do not cause the same reactions. Her pain specialist may not know about any of these problems and would happily make a switch. I know they've been working on a variation on marijuana, taking out the "high" stuff and leaving some effective analgesia medications specific for severe long-term pain (or even end-stage cancer).</p><p></p><p>My best friend had appalling troubles when her father went into dementia and her mother coped with the combination of his extreme controlling behaviour plus her own severe back pain, by drinking. My friend even called the ACAT (Aged Care and Assessment Team) to make a surprise visit and assess them, but without the couple's consent they could not intervene - it took her father falling on the steps of the pub and breaking his hip, to get action. And for him, it was too late, he never recovered.</p><p></p><p>So be aware - a lot of your concerns, you may not be able to do anything about.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps a starting point - talk to your own GP about what you could do. Maybe ring a counselling line which deals with dementia, addiction, elderly relatives - pick their brains about what options are open to you. And then, if the advice is to talk to her specialist, follow through on it with a carefully worded letter. Because if he STILL does nothing, then you have left a paper trail which you can use to sue the pants off him should it later turn out that he is negligent.</p><p></p><p>A pain specialist has a lot of standards he must meet, in order to remain in practice. A number of them double up as specialists in addiction medicine (my own GP is now going down this road himself; we have to see him in a drug rehab clinic which he's just moved to, I really feel awkward going there - love the guy, but I now need a new GP to handle GP stuff).</p><p></p><p>So if this guy is not meeting those standards, he will lose his job, as he should.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, I hope you can get some valid answers in this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 80569, member: 1991"] I think Beth has a really good idea, if only your mum will let you - go to the doctor with her, for her next appointment. The main thing I think Janet & I were both on about, is to be sure that you're not merely labelling it as addiction, simply because of what she feels she has to take, and why. But if, after all this discussion, you still feel addiction is at least part of the problem, then go ahead and see what you can do. Janet dug up some good resources which you seem to have got some good value out of. Whatever you do now, it is with a much better knowledge base which should make it easier for you to go more accurately to the heart of the problem. If you cannot get in to see the doctor with your mother, then either telephone the doctor or write him a letter expressing your concerns and describing recent behaviour concerns. Be aware - the doctor may mention this to your mother or show her the letter - bear this in mind as you write it and weigh your decisions and words carefully. I have given you a picture into how she would be thinking/feeling, if she is NOT abusing her medications. If she is, then you can ramp up the paranoia another few notches. You need to be prepared for the fallout. She should have more doctors than just the pain doctor. I would be deeply concerned if she does not - all the pain specialist can do, or should be doing, is dealing with the chronic pain. He should have other doctors to liaise with, concerning the other aspects of her health issues. She should have a GP and either a neurologist or immunologist (or similar). If she does not, it is not the pain specialist's fault necessarily - but he needs to know there is nobody else keeping her health on as even a keel as possible. But ten - this could be an aspect of the US health system which costs such a vast amount if you are ill. When you've got a choice between paying yet another doctor, or being able to afford your pain medications - I know what I'd be doing, unfortunately. Where is your father in this? I'm not quite sure. if he feels she really needs the pain medications and is not abusing them, then he will resemble an enabler, but is actually doing his job. If she IS an addict and he is supporting this because she is less violent when she's doped up, then he IS enabling and it is an unhealthy codependent relationship. Maybe a starting point for your expressed concerns could be to publicly ACCEPT that she needs the pain medications, but express concerns that she may be having a behaviour reaction to the medications, similar to my father's hallucinations on it (I know others react the same way). There ARE other medications with similar degree of effect available now (I love new developments), which do not cause the same reactions. Her pain specialist may not know about any of these problems and would happily make a switch. I know they've been working on a variation on marijuana, taking out the "high" stuff and leaving some effective analgesia medications specific for severe long-term pain (or even end-stage cancer). My best friend had appalling troubles when her father went into dementia and her mother coped with the combination of his extreme controlling behaviour plus her own severe back pain, by drinking. My friend even called the ACAT (Aged Care and Assessment Team) to make a surprise visit and assess them, but without the couple's consent they could not intervene - it took her father falling on the steps of the pub and breaking his hip, to get action. And for him, it was too late, he never recovered. So be aware - a lot of your concerns, you may not be able to do anything about. Perhaps a starting point - talk to your own GP about what you could do. Maybe ring a counselling line which deals with dementia, addiction, elderly relatives - pick their brains about what options are open to you. And then, if the advice is to talk to her specialist, follow through on it with a carefully worded letter. Because if he STILL does nothing, then you have left a paper trail which you can use to sue the pants off him should it later turn out that he is negligent. A pain specialist has a lot of standards he must meet, in order to remain in practice. A number of them double up as specialists in addiction medicine (my own GP is now going down this road himself; we have to see him in a drug rehab clinic which he's just moved to, I really feel awkward going there - love the guy, but I now need a new GP to handle GP stuff). So if this guy is not meeting those standards, he will lose his job, as he should. Good luck, I hope you can get some valid answers in this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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