Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 669799" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>As you guys know for the past 2 years I have isolated. To the point of being bed-ridden. </p><p></p><p>My preferred place is in my room, in my bed. I even take my food to my room and eat. I leave my room only to cook, bathe and to wash clothes. I leave the house only to shop or to go to a necessary medical appointment.</p><p></p><p>I have been intermittently sad. I am not sad all the time. But I still want to isolate. </p><p></p><p>For a long time my sadness was defined by my mother's death. I grieved horribly. My only pursuits were geared to escape from the pain. I believe that while I still grieve my mother's death, and the course of our relationship and choices I made, my feelings about my son and a certain default mode towards self-sacrifice, now motivates me.</p><p></p><p>I think I have guilt about how good my life has been, how much I have overcome, my mobility and my perseverance. I think I somehow feel responsible for everything bad that happened to people who I love and the way relationships worked out.</p><p></p><p>I turned my back on my family in order to live a fuller life. While I was frequently alone and lonely, I persevered and was able, I believe, to live meaningfully.</p><p></p><p>There are many, many things I still want to do. I do not let myself. I believe that this is willful. But it feels beyond my reach to control. I believe I am choosing to isolate and to make my life very, very impoverished. I believe it is almost self-destructive.</p><p></p><p>I believe I deserve to destroy myself or parts of myself. I believe that as of now that impulse is stronger than my motivation to live fully. As long as I continue to do this, and permit myself to negate myself and my life, I will not leave my room.</p><p></p><p>I do not know how to rise above this cycle.</p><p></p><p>It is for this reason that I begin this thread.</p><p></p><p>I have not fully detached from my child. Nor from my Mother or sister or my Father. I cannot say even that I want to detach. But I need to.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 669799, member: 18958"] As you guys know for the past 2 years I have isolated. To the point of being bed-ridden. My preferred place is in my room, in my bed. I even take my food to my room and eat. I leave my room only to cook, bathe and to wash clothes. I leave the house only to shop or to go to a necessary medical appointment. I have been intermittently sad. I am not sad all the time. But I still want to isolate. For a long time my sadness was defined by my mother's death. I grieved horribly. My only pursuits were geared to escape from the pain. I believe that while I still grieve my mother's death, and the course of our relationship and choices I made, my feelings about my son and a certain default mode towards self-sacrifice, now motivates me. I think I have guilt about how good my life has been, how much I have overcome, my mobility and my perseverance. I think I somehow feel responsible for everything bad that happened to people who I love and the way relationships worked out. I turned my back on my family in order to live a fuller life. While I was frequently alone and lonely, I persevered and was able, I believe, to live meaningfully. There are many, many things I still want to do. I do not let myself. I believe that this is willful. But it feels beyond my reach to control. I believe I am choosing to isolate and to make my life very, very impoverished. I believe it is almost self-destructive. I believe I deserve to destroy myself or parts of myself. I believe that as of now that impulse is stronger than my motivation to live fully. As long as I continue to do this, and permit myself to negate myself and my life, I will not leave my room. I do not know how to rise above this cycle. It is for this reason that I begin this thread. I have not fully detached from my child. Nor from my Mother or sister or my Father. I cannot say even that I want to detach. But I need to. COPA [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
Top