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Family of Origin
When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670113" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Copa and Feeling,</p><p>I am glad to know that you are getting out Copa, removing 60 year old wallpaper in an hour, my goodness. Sometimes in the most mundane tasks, we have accomplished much. The tenacity.</p><p></p><p>I have a confession. I think that I am improving, while at the same time regressing, one step forward two steps back. I wrote to you Feeling about joy, and I truly want that for you, but it will come on your time. It was an inappropriate, insensitive response to your dilemma, your processing, and I am truly sorry. I feel as if I took on my sisters role with you Feeling- "Can't you just be happy the last week we are together?" And<em> I couldn't</em>, the sadness was just too powerful. It took me a long time to build myself back up.</p><p></p><p>In recognition of that, I realize Feeling, that you need to take the time to feel what you feel, and when you are ready, in your time, you will build yourself back up.</p><p></p><p>I think that is my regression, back to that child state that was supposed to "cheer up", put on a smile, while I was hurting inside. </p><p></p><p>I am processing so much, and trying to stop old patterns, but they keep coming through. Yesterday was my G-F-G's birthday. I wrote to another poster that detaching has been peaceful, and it has, but there has admittedly been a dark void. I am not overwhelmed by it, but still the same, it is there. I said several silent prayers for my daughter and my grands throughout the day, I miss them. I suppose I am waging a silly inner battle, detachment does not mean no contact. I know my daughter is stubborn, and will not call me. The manner in which she left was outrageous and completely, undeniably hurtful. I do not want to be the one to make the first move. Am I being strong, or stubborn, prideful? I feel that it is on her to make that move to pick up the phone,yet, I am her mother, yet she is an adult. I do fear what will be said on the other end of the phone if I call, she can be quite mean. I suppose I could just call, but feel that I may be setting myself up for disappointment.</p><p></p><p>Confusion.</p><p></p><p>I will pray on it.</p><p></p><p>Impulsiveness is one of my major weak points dear friends, I have got to think more before I act, and allow time to mull things over......</p><p></p><p>Copa I am glad you are getting out. It must feel so strange. You are brave.</p><p></p><p>What a time we have all been through.</p><p></p><p>My thoughts are with you warrior friends.</p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670113, member: 19522"] Hi Copa and Feeling, I am glad to know that you are getting out Copa, removing 60 year old wallpaper in an hour, my goodness. Sometimes in the most mundane tasks, we have accomplished much. The tenacity. I have a confession. I think that I am improving, while at the same time regressing, one step forward two steps back. I wrote to you Feeling about joy, and I truly want that for you, but it will come on your time. It was an inappropriate, insensitive response to your dilemma, your processing, and I am truly sorry. I feel as if I took on my sisters role with you Feeling- "Can't you just be happy the last week we are together?" And[I] I couldn't[/I], the sadness was just too powerful. It took me a long time to build myself back up. In recognition of that, I realize Feeling, that you need to take the time to feel what you feel, and when you are ready, in your time, you will build yourself back up. I think that is my regression, back to that child state that was supposed to "cheer up", put on a smile, while I was hurting inside. I am processing so much, and trying to stop old patterns, but they keep coming through. Yesterday was my G-F-G's birthday. I wrote to another poster that detaching has been peaceful, and it has, but there has admittedly been a dark void. I am not overwhelmed by it, but still the same, it is there. I said several silent prayers for my daughter and my grands throughout the day, I miss them. I suppose I am waging a silly inner battle, detachment does not mean no contact. I know my daughter is stubborn, and will not call me. The manner in which she left was outrageous and completely, undeniably hurtful. I do not want to be the one to make the first move. Am I being strong, or stubborn, prideful? I feel that it is on her to make that move to pick up the phone,yet, I am her mother, yet she is an adult. I do fear what will be said on the other end of the phone if I call, she can be quite mean. I suppose I could just call, but feel that I may be setting myself up for disappointment. Confusion. I will pray on it. Impulsiveness is one of my major weak points dear friends, I have got to think more before I act, and allow time to mull things over...... Copa I am glad you are getting out. It must feel so strange. You are brave. What a time we have all been through. My thoughts are with you warrior friends. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
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