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Family of Origin
When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 670119" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Speaking quickly, without censor, you speak from the heart. Speak truly, without plan and artifice.</p><p></p><p>You know your intention was not to judge, criticize or cause pain. Anybody who knows you will know this. The learning for you New Leaf is to not second guess yourself and to have confidence in your audience.</p><p></p><p>There will be people who misunderstand. Or not. But you cannot control them.</p><p></p><p>People have a right to dislike us. We need to like ourselves enough to give them that chance. That is the risk. To be who we are. Even if others decide to leave. Or to be mad.</p><p></p><p>When we were children, we believed that the madness or meanness of others to us was our fault.</p><p></p><p>That is what we believed (falsely) as children. That we are responsible for the responses of others to us. And if we just tried hard enough, worked harder, did better, they would be kind and show us favor. Or if they did not, we were at cause. Not true.</p><p></p><p>The world is not your sister, waiting to pounce.</p><p></p><p>New Leaf. M says everything has its good and bad points. (I am referencing here your spontaneity, a much kinder word than impulsiveness.) Everything.</p><p></p><p>A saying of his is this: There are no bad things from which good cannot come. No hay malo que bien no venga.</p><p></p><p>I try to trick him by asking him, and this? What good can come of this terrible thing? Like last week his niece's young male boxer dog died (we think he ate rat poison that M's stupid brother in law buried 4' below the ground in the yard.)</p><p></p><p>And just the moment before I had said, now we know we can never let them take care of our animals.</p><p></p><p>And M answered, "See. Is that not a good thing? To learn that?"</p><p></p><p>We, each of us, is learning to love ourselves, no matter what. We have each come through the hardest of times. This has revealed to us parts of ourselves, like new skin instead of that which was toughened and callused.</p><p></p><p>The challenge is that over the years we have learned near automatic ways to talk to ourselves about ourselves that can be harsh and accusing. They no longer fit with our new tender, pretty pink skin.</p><p></p><p>We need to find tender and soft ways to speak to ourselves about ourselves so that we do not need to become calloused and defended again, with all that fibrous tissue.</p><p></p><p>You are a <em>new leaf</em>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 670119, member: 18958"] Speaking quickly, without censor, you speak from the heart. Speak truly, without plan and artifice. You know your intention was not to judge, criticize or cause pain. Anybody who knows you will know this. The learning for you New Leaf is to not second guess yourself and to have confidence in your audience. There will be people who misunderstand. Or not. But you cannot control them. People have a right to dislike us. We need to like ourselves enough to give them that chance. That is the risk. To be who we are. Even if others decide to leave. Or to be mad. When we were children, we believed that the madness or meanness of others to us was our fault. That is what we believed (falsely) as children. That we are responsible for the responses of others to us. And if we just tried hard enough, worked harder, did better, they would be kind and show us favor. Or if they did not, we were at cause. Not true. The world is not your sister, waiting to pounce. New Leaf. M says everything has its good and bad points. (I am referencing here your spontaneity, a much kinder word than impulsiveness.) Everything. A saying of his is this: There are no bad things from which good cannot come. No hay malo que bien no venga. I try to trick him by asking him, and this? What good can come of this terrible thing? Like last week his niece's young male boxer dog died (we think he ate rat poison that M's stupid brother in law buried 4' below the ground in the yard.) And just the moment before I had said, now we know we can never let them take care of our animals. And M answered, "See. Is that not a good thing? To learn that?" We, each of us, is learning to love ourselves, no matter what. We have each come through the hardest of times. This has revealed to us parts of ourselves, like new skin instead of that which was toughened and callused. The challenge is that over the years we have learned near automatic ways to talk to ourselves about ourselves that can be harsh and accusing. They no longer fit with our new tender, pretty pink skin. We need to find tender and soft ways to speak to ourselves about ourselves so that we do not need to become calloused and defended again, with all that fibrous tissue. You are a [I]new leaf[/I]. [/QUOTE]
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When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.
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