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Where Can I Send Him Away to?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 403591" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry things are so stressful. I completely understand how you feel. </p><p> </p><p>An educational consultant is one of the best resources you can use to find a program. They will cost some $$, but far less than putting him in the wrong program would cost. You will need to find a program that is the right "fit" for him, and that can be a challenge. Many parents look for someplace close in proximity, but that is often a mistake. The close program that doesn't meet his needs will either make things worse or not make a difference, and thus be a waste of money. A far away program is harder to visit (and for him to run away to come home or to go to his friends) but if it meets his needs it is a wise investment.</p><p> </p><p>His medications are alarmng to me, esp as they are not helping. SSRI's can make some disorders WORSE rather than better. What is your son diagnosed with? if it only the ADD and ODD? Many of us feel that ODD is not a real disorder but instead is a symptom of many (most) disorders. If the underlying disorder is treated, the ODD symptoms go away. Knowing what the underlying disorder is can tell you how to help him, but knowing he has ODD gives you ZERO direction for choosing the right treatment. For treatment purposes, ODD is useless simply because it isn't going to give ideas for figuring out how to help him. neuropsychologist testing is the best way to really get a handle on what is going on. You may have to bribe him to get him to do it, but that might be worth it. </p><p> </p><p>Have you drug tested him? Drugs are a huge problem and can cause the behaviors you are seeing. I don't know if the courts have drug tested him, but I would insist that he take a test for drugs either at the doctors office or at home. It will be a fight most likely, but you can remove ALL privileges if he will not do it. </p><p> </p><p>If he is taking things like a bb gun with-o permission, it may be time to put sturdy doors and deadbolts on all the doors and closets. Even to get a storage unit to keep certain things off the premises. Be sure to keep keys on your persons at ALL times because if he can get a key then he can make a copy. I would keep his medications locked up, the bb guns etc... locked up, and anything of yours that he can get into that has value locked up. </p><p> </p><p>Going to a motel for a couple of night is NOT a bad idea. It would give you a break and a chance to recharge. You and husband should discuss each taking a night or 2 or 3 away every month or so. it is hard to get respite care for an older teen, so we must do whatever is needed to take care of ourselves. Obviously one of you needs to be at home with him, but you could each get a break. It would likely be an excellent investment in yourself and your health and your family. Is there a teacher that your son likes? could you pay this person to come stay with him, or to have him come to the teacher's home, so that you and husband could get a break? I have an aunt that used to do thsi when she was single. She taught at a private school and a number of parents would pay her to either house sit or to stay with their kids if they needed a break. The kids were usually better behaved for her than for their parents.</p><p> </p><p>You have probably read a lot, but I do recommend 2 books that can be very very useful. Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic is a great resource, and so is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. They each can be a great help with a difficult child. </p><p> </p><p>Welcome to our forum!! I hope some of this helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 403591, member: 1233"] I am sorry things are so stressful. I completely understand how you feel. An educational consultant is one of the best resources you can use to find a program. They will cost some $$, but far less than putting him in the wrong program would cost. You will need to find a program that is the right "fit" for him, and that can be a challenge. Many parents look for someplace close in proximity, but that is often a mistake. The close program that doesn't meet his needs will either make things worse or not make a difference, and thus be a waste of money. A far away program is harder to visit (and for him to run away to come home or to go to his friends) but if it meets his needs it is a wise investment. His medications are alarmng to me, esp as they are not helping. SSRI's can make some disorders WORSE rather than better. What is your son diagnosed with? if it only the ADD and ODD? Many of us feel that ODD is not a real disorder but instead is a symptom of many (most) disorders. If the underlying disorder is treated, the ODD symptoms go away. Knowing what the underlying disorder is can tell you how to help him, but knowing he has ODD gives you ZERO direction for choosing the right treatment. For treatment purposes, ODD is useless simply because it isn't going to give ideas for figuring out how to help him. neuropsychologist testing is the best way to really get a handle on what is going on. You may have to bribe him to get him to do it, but that might be worth it. Have you drug tested him? Drugs are a huge problem and can cause the behaviors you are seeing. I don't know if the courts have drug tested him, but I would insist that he take a test for drugs either at the doctors office or at home. It will be a fight most likely, but you can remove ALL privileges if he will not do it. If he is taking things like a bb gun with-o permission, it may be time to put sturdy doors and deadbolts on all the doors and closets. Even to get a storage unit to keep certain things off the premises. Be sure to keep keys on your persons at ALL times because if he can get a key then he can make a copy. I would keep his medications locked up, the bb guns etc... locked up, and anything of yours that he can get into that has value locked up. Going to a motel for a couple of night is NOT a bad idea. It would give you a break and a chance to recharge. You and husband should discuss each taking a night or 2 or 3 away every month or so. it is hard to get respite care for an older teen, so we must do whatever is needed to take care of ourselves. Obviously one of you needs to be at home with him, but you could each get a break. It would likely be an excellent investment in yourself and your health and your family. Is there a teacher that your son likes? could you pay this person to come stay with him, or to have him come to the teacher's home, so that you and husband could get a break? I have an aunt that used to do thsi when she was single. She taught at a private school and a number of parents would pay her to either house sit or to stay with their kids if they needed a break. The kids were usually better behaved for her than for their parents. You have probably read a lot, but I do recommend 2 books that can be very very useful. Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic is a great resource, and so is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. They each can be a great help with a difficult child. Welcome to our forum!! I hope some of this helps. [/QUOTE]
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