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Welcome Tina and sorry for what you are going through.


Your son is the same roller coaster my son was on for five years.  You have to do what you can to keep yourself sane and your younger boys out of earshot of what is going on with him. They deserve to have a peaceful home as do you and your husband.


I agree about the car. We bought my son 2 cars and they spent more time in the garage then him having access to them. Driving is a privilege and don't think by giving him the cart before the horse that it will help in any way.  Trust me, we tried it. Doing "normal" things for him doesn't help either. It's not at all about how much you love your son. Addiction is an evil beast that we cannot control and through love we end up enabling - which is what I learned on this site.  I was doing it.


I also was okay with pot smoking for some time also because it was better than other things and I did it myself when I was in high school. But it eventually led back to unmanageable behavior for my son. It was a gateway drug but to this day he thinks it's great. Some people cannot smoke pot and stop there. My son has no "off switch".


We put up with a lot but this final time he was 20 and that is when we gave him a choice to go to rehab or a shelter. He chose rehab and now is at sober living 1500 miles away and he's doing better and we're doing better. He is my youngest but he upset his older brothers who were living with us for a time. It has been a truly awful five years and we are just now trying to get our lives back to normal. I look forward to going home now after work. I am so much happier. I am trying to let him grow into the man he is supposed to be and it just wasn't happening for him in our home.  I do miss him and love him but we FaceTime and visit when we can.  I know this is all way out of my league.  I can't feel guilty anymore for not being able to fix it for him. I know this Mother's Day will be hard for me because it isn't supposed to be like this.


Good luck to you and keep posting and learning from these very knowledgeable people that truly get it.


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