Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Where do you go when no words or discipline work
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Sheila" data-source="post: 101909" data-attributes="member: 23"><p>I recommend that you find a developemental pediatrician that specializes in PDDs or maybe a neuropsychologist with-a subspecialty in PDDs.</p><p></p><p>You may be much more educated that I when I first started down this road. And of course, an online screen is not diagnostic by any means, but they can sure be helpful. But don't let the term "moderate" fool you. The professional lingo to rate a problem typically is mild, moderate or severe, e.g., "moderate" doesn't mean "just a little bit" -- which was what I thought originally.</p><p></p><p>Our kids are hard to deal with. One reason is that there is often such a wide variance in their abilities. What I mean by that is you may have a child that is exceedingly intelligent academically, but emotionally is far below where s/he is academically. As an example, our difficult child's evaluation 3 yrs ago reflected his age-equivalent abilities from 3 yrs old to greater than 20+ yrs old. (I swear he makes my head swim sometimes.)</p><p></p><p>Taking only the ADHD, there is a 2/3rds rule. What that means is that emotionally and socially the child is going to be developmentally somewhere around 2/3rds their chronological age. So, if you have an 8 yr old that acts like a 4 - 5 yr old, that's probably because he does. So when you start setting up behavior management, you have to keep this in mind. It doesn't mean to not try to teach age-appropriate behaviors -- it's just that your expectations have to be realistic while you nudge them forward.</p><p></p><p>Most behavior plans end up being a little of this, a little of that. Just depends on the child. We used a combination of the Explosive Child together with The Voucher System. No plan works overnight -- it can take months and sometimes years of consistency to change one behavior.</p><p></p><p>Of course, safety is always first. If you have a child that has a tendency to want to start fires, no matter the reason, it's very serious. You have to kind of "baby proof" the home and be constantly vigilant. (Totally exhausting for the parents.)</p><p></p><p>Involving law enforcement is not going to solve the problem and may make it worse in my opinion -- they don't have a clue to handle kids with neurological disorders. Neither is spanking.</p><p></p><p>I'm not against spanking per say. But if your son's behaviors related to fire starting or stealing is connected with lack of impulse control or compulsion, spanking just won't work.</p><p></p><p>I'm thinking that all you can do until you find out what's really going on with your child is to decide on a priveledge loss or time out and stick with it. With ADHD kids, time outs are usually can be best because consequences need to be sure and swift (and reasonable). That's what the professionals supposedly in the know say anyway. lol </p><p></p><p>From personal experience with my son, I can tell you that at that age, if consequences weren't immediate, with a delayed consequence he'd forget what he was in trouble for to begin with. He'd just know that he had lost "X" for however long it was because "I was bad." (A whole other problem -- considering themselves "bad.")</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't make the time out area his room. A time out chair in a study or other area would be better (easily observable by parent and with-no creature comforts). We used the computer room. And difficult child didn't have a chair -- he had to sit in the middle of the floor (still does sometimes lol).</p><p></p><p>A mistake I made with the behavior management plan was trying to work on too many behaviors at one time. Select two or three behaviors to focus on and use "redirection" for the others. As he masters one behavior, drop it off and add another.</p><p></p><p>Many of difficult child's problem behaviors were due to lack impulse control. The new behaviors have to become a habit, and even then new situations, new places present new "forgot to think before I acted" opportunities.</p><p></p><p>The homework battles.... Sigh.... Long story that I won't go into. ADHD kids (and others) have to be "on" all day at school. It takes a lot of mental energy for them to attend school and many are mentally exhausted after school. Then we had the added problem of difficult child's medication playing out after school. Suffice it to say that I finally had to ask how long should "X" assignment should take. The best I can remember at 8 yrs old, it was around 10 minutes. That's what I required -- no more hours long battles. </p><p></p><p>As bad as the terrible teens can be, I wouldn't want to go back to the 8 yr old age. It was a bad time for us. But things are much better now. We're still working on the brushing teeth without a battle, however. lol We've got the school days down no problem. But apparently no school today means no brushing teeth today also.....</p><p></p><p>All this rambling probably hasn't helped.... </p><p></p><p>Wanted to add that it wasn't any one thing that helped. It was multiple interventions and therapies. All of it was just part of the puzzle. For instance, difficult child use to be forever in trouble at school for hitting. Part of that was due to tactile defensiveness. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) therapy helped remediate it and the "hitting" grew less and less. No amount of behavior modification would help this -- it was an uncontrollable reflex to strike out when touched.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sheila, post: 101909, member: 23"] I recommend that you find a developemental pediatrician that specializes in PDDs or maybe a neuropsychologist with-a subspecialty in PDDs. You may be much more educated that I when I first started down this road. And of course, an online screen is not diagnostic by any means, but they can sure be helpful. But don't let the term "moderate" fool you. The professional lingo to rate a problem typically is mild, moderate or severe, e.g., "moderate" doesn't mean "just a little bit" -- which was what I thought originally. Our kids are hard to deal with. One reason is that there is often such a wide variance in their abilities. What I mean by that is you may have a child that is exceedingly intelligent academically, but emotionally is far below where s/he is academically. As an example, our difficult child's evaluation 3 yrs ago reflected his age-equivalent abilities from 3 yrs old to greater than 20+ yrs old. (I swear he makes my head swim sometimes.) Taking only the ADHD, there is a 2/3rds rule. What that means is that emotionally and socially the child is going to be developmentally somewhere around 2/3rds their chronological age. So, if you have an 8 yr old that acts like a 4 - 5 yr old, that's probably because he does. So when you start setting up behavior management, you have to keep this in mind. It doesn't mean to not try to teach age-appropriate behaviors -- it's just that your expectations have to be realistic while you nudge them forward. Most behavior plans end up being a little of this, a little of that. Just depends on the child. We used a combination of the Explosive Child together with The Voucher System. No plan works overnight -- it can take months and sometimes years of consistency to change one behavior. Of course, safety is always first. If you have a child that has a tendency to want to start fires, no matter the reason, it's very serious. You have to kind of "baby proof" the home and be constantly vigilant. (Totally exhausting for the parents.) Involving law enforcement is not going to solve the problem and may make it worse in my opinion -- they don't have a clue to handle kids with neurological disorders. Neither is spanking. I'm not against spanking per say. But if your son's behaviors related to fire starting or stealing is connected with lack of impulse control or compulsion, spanking just won't work. I'm thinking that all you can do until you find out what's really going on with your child is to decide on a priveledge loss or time out and stick with it. With ADHD kids, time outs are usually can be best because consequences need to be sure and swift (and reasonable). That's what the professionals supposedly in the know say anyway. lol From personal experience with my son, I can tell you that at that age, if consequences weren't immediate, with a delayed consequence he'd forget what he was in trouble for to begin with. He'd just know that he had lost "X" for however long it was because "I was bad." (A whole other problem -- considering themselves "bad.") I wouldn't make the time out area his room. A time out chair in a study or other area would be better (easily observable by parent and with-no creature comforts). We used the computer room. And difficult child didn't have a chair -- he had to sit in the middle of the floor (still does sometimes lol). A mistake I made with the behavior management plan was trying to work on too many behaviors at one time. Select two or three behaviors to focus on and use "redirection" for the others. As he masters one behavior, drop it off and add another. Many of difficult child's problem behaviors were due to lack impulse control. The new behaviors have to become a habit, and even then new situations, new places present new "forgot to think before I acted" opportunities. The homework battles.... Sigh.... Long story that I won't go into. ADHD kids (and others) have to be "on" all day at school. It takes a lot of mental energy for them to attend school and many are mentally exhausted after school. Then we had the added problem of difficult child's medication playing out after school. Suffice it to say that I finally had to ask how long should "X" assignment should take. The best I can remember at 8 yrs old, it was around 10 minutes. That's what I required -- no more hours long battles. As bad as the terrible teens can be, I wouldn't want to go back to the 8 yr old age. It was a bad time for us. But things are much better now. We're still working on the brushing teeth without a battle, however. lol We've got the school days down no problem. But apparently no school today means no brushing teeth today also..... All this rambling probably hasn't helped.... Wanted to add that it wasn't any one thing that helped. It was multiple interventions and therapies. All of it was just part of the puzzle. For instance, difficult child use to be forever in trouble at school for hitting. Part of that was due to tactile defensiveness. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) therapy helped remediate it and the "hitting" grew less and less. No amount of behavior modification would help this -- it was an uncontrollable reflex to strike out when touched. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Where do you go when no words or discipline work
Top