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Where is he? Is he okay?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743576" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have a 30 year old J who is adopted, biracial, mentally ill (he says he is bipolar, I doubt it) and homeless. I understand the agony. On better days I can do this (Thank you Elsi):My aspiration is this:I am struggling with what are religious concepts completely foreign to the way I have lived my life so far. They are the only ones that seem to suit. What is G-d's will? And where do I have free will? Acceptance and surrender to what is, in life, but at the same time having boundaries against where I should not go. Even in love. Probably especially in love.</p><p></p><p>The gist of it for me is this: How do we carve out a life that is separate from those we love? How<u> do we walk away</u>? How do we take the active role, the leaver, not the passive one, the left? How do we choose to be a separate individual, especially if that is alone? </p><p></p><p>I am not talking about cutting off our children. I am talking about owning ourselves. Of owning our psychological landscapes. Of being whole. Of doing the work so that I do not feel as if my heart is walking around some street far away from my body, and that I am missing essential pieces of myself.</p><p></p><p>So much of our collective stories are about loss. The hardest parts seem to be when we choose to walk away, to be apart from the ones we love. Being left is oh so much easier. I am beginning to think that with my son I have chosen the passive role, instead of taking responsibility for myself.</p><p></p><p>When our sons choose to not respond to texts, or go off the reservation, this causes agony and dread, because we feel passive and at the mercy of them and their stories. It's like waiting for calls from boyfriends as a young women. What if we are choosing this?</p><p></p><p>What would be my alternative? To choose to remove myself from this script, and do the psychologically leaving myself. By that I refer to deciding to emotionally remove myself from the drama which really is not mine to carry. I think this is part of what New Leaf is saying.</p><p></p><p>What part really do we have in the stories our sons are crafting with their lives?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743576, member: 18958"] I have a 30 year old J who is adopted, biracial, mentally ill (he says he is bipolar, I doubt it) and homeless. I understand the agony. On better days I can do this (Thank you Elsi):[COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)][/COLOR]My aspiration is this:I am struggling with what are religious concepts completely foreign to the way I have lived my life so far. They are the only ones that seem to suit. What is G-d's will? And where do I have free will? Acceptance and surrender to what is, in life, but at the same time having boundaries against where I should not go. Even in love. Probably especially in love. The gist of it for me is this: How do we carve out a life that is separate from those we love? How[U] do we walk away[/U]? How do we take the active role, the leaver, not the passive one, the left? How do we choose to be a separate individual, especially if that is alone? I am not talking about cutting off our children. I am talking about owning ourselves. Of owning our psychological landscapes. Of being whole. Of doing the work so that I do not feel as if my heart is walking around some street far away from my body, and that I am missing essential pieces of myself. So much of our collective stories are about loss. The hardest parts seem to be when we choose to walk away, to be apart from the ones we love. Being left is oh so much easier. I am beginning to think that with my son I have chosen the passive role, instead of taking responsibility for myself. When our sons choose to not respond to texts, or go off the reservation, this causes agony and dread, because we feel passive and at the mercy of them and their stories. It's like waiting for calls from boyfriends as a young women. What if we are choosing this? What would be my alternative? To choose to remove myself from this script, and do the psychologically leaving myself. By that I refer to deciding to emotionally remove myself from the drama which really is not mine to carry. I think this is part of what New Leaf is saying. What part really do we have in the stories our sons are crafting with their lives? [/QUOTE]
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