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Why are mother/daughter relationships so hard?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 752648" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>I got along very well with my mother. I suffered greatly when she died young. It was so tragic. I try to look back to figure out what it was that I liked about her so much. I think it was that her love for me was genuine and soooo obvious. She was slow to anger and even slower to judge. She made me feel good about myself. She was quick to point out what I did right. BUT...then again, I was a very good student and not a troubled kid. I was NOT perfect though and had my difficult moments. But, she tended to focus on the positive. And, if I did something "dumb," but rather inconsequential, she might not even mention it. I also felt respected by her. I knew in my heart that my relationship with her was in many ways "special," because many of my friends did not enjoy such a good relationship with their mothers. NOW, don't get me wrong...NOT the type of stuff I see here with our troubled kids.</p><p></p><p>Troubled kids seem to have their own special brand of sensitivity and often over sensitivity. Some say they lash out at their mothers because they feel "safest" with their mothers. And their lashing out has little to nothing to do with their mothers, but more with their own issues or insecurities and their mother's are safest because their mothers are least likely to walk away. Do this stuff to a friend...or a distant relative and they are liable to tell you to "get lost," and mean it.</p><p></p><p>I think adopted children...often "test" their mothers. Not sure.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I do think it's best not to be the center of our children's lives and this goes double if that "child" is now and adult. Also, I agree...definitely avoid putting your life on hold until your daughter does something...whatever the case may be. This doesn't seem healthy to me. Develop your own interests that are so pleasing to you, that this stuff just doesn't have as much "hold," on you. YOu will very likely be a healthier person and even potentially a much more attractive / interesting person to your daughter. NO reason for her to call you names...not sure if that is what happened here. You certainly have the right to ask her not to do that. And, absolutely consider therapy if you are in emotional pain. This stuff can be hard. Wishing you well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 752648, member: 4152"] I got along very well with my mother. I suffered greatly when she died young. It was so tragic. I try to look back to figure out what it was that I liked about her so much. I think it was that her love for me was genuine and soooo obvious. She was slow to anger and even slower to judge. She made me feel good about myself. She was quick to point out what I did right. BUT...then again, I was a very good student and not a troubled kid. I was NOT perfect though and had my difficult moments. But, she tended to focus on the positive. And, if I did something "dumb," but rather inconsequential, she might not even mention it. I also felt respected by her. I knew in my heart that my relationship with her was in many ways "special," because many of my friends did not enjoy such a good relationship with their mothers. NOW, don't get me wrong...NOT the type of stuff I see here with our troubled kids. Troubled kids seem to have their own special brand of sensitivity and often over sensitivity. Some say they lash out at their mothers because they feel "safest" with their mothers. And their lashing out has little to nothing to do with their mothers, but more with their own issues or insecurities and their mother's are safest because their mothers are least likely to walk away. Do this stuff to a friend...or a distant relative and they are liable to tell you to "get lost," and mean it. I think adopted children...often "test" their mothers. Not sure. Anyway, I do think it's best not to be the center of our children's lives and this goes double if that "child" is now and adult. Also, I agree...definitely avoid putting your life on hold until your daughter does something...whatever the case may be. This doesn't seem healthy to me. Develop your own interests that are so pleasing to you, that this stuff just doesn't have as much "hold," on you. YOu will very likely be a healthier person and even potentially a much more attractive / interesting person to your daughter. NO reason for her to call you names...not sure if that is what happened here. You certainly have the right to ask her not to do that. And, absolutely consider therapy if you are in emotional pain. This stuff can be hard. Wishing you well. [/QUOTE]
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Why are mother/daughter relationships so hard?
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