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Why did I answer his call?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 630505" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Annie it isn't your fault, it isn't under your control, you are in fact powerless to enact any change whatsoever in your son. You are being held hostage by his abusive and disrespectful behavior, do not allow him to talk to you in that manner. What we allow is what we end up living with, do not allow it.</p><p></p><p>COM gave you the best advice, get yourself to that al anon meeting whether you feel like it or not, you will end up feeling so much better. You will need truckloads of support in order to stop the patterned behavior you and your son engage in. He manipulates you with guilt. There is no reason he should be hungry, there are shelters and food banks everywhere. And, if he spent $900 in 6 days, then that is his issue to figure out, NOT YOURS. You do not have to listen to his abuse. You do not have to do anything about his life. What is necessary now is for you to distance yourself from him and do not answer the phone. Our difficult child's are remarkably resourceful, manipulative and resilient. The consequence of spending all of his money is HIS consequence, NOT YOURS. You didn't do anything wrong. </p><p></p><p>Take deep breaths. Take a bath. Read a book. Take your mind off of your son and refocus on YOU. Do something kind and nurturing for YOU, your life is important and as most of us here do, you have probably neglected it. That alone will make us feel depressed and lonely. Take care of YOU now. YOU. It is imperative that you begin to focus on your needs and wants, on what makes YOU happy, on how you want to spend YOUR time. Once you begin that journey, the choices for your son will develop naturally. It's a process and there are hurdles along the way where we feel guilty and sad, but letting go is what we need to do, letting them go into their own live and make their own choices. </p><p></p><p>If your son is indeed bi polar and addicted, there are resources for him if HE chose to go that route. But HE has to be the one to choose. People in the throes of mental illness CAN make the choice to change. If they don't there isn't ANYTHING you can do about it. That's where detachment comes in. </p><p></p><p>Read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post again and if you can, read <u>Codependent No More</u> by Melodie Beattie. Find tools to help you, keep your arsenal of tools available to you at all times, meetings, books, supportive environments, perhaps counseling, parent groups, make sure you exercise and eat right, sleep well and find ways to laugh. Life is not over Anne, but you are the only one who can grab your life and gain back control so you can find peace of mind and joy. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, it WILL get better. Choose to make changes. We're here to support you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 630505, member: 13542"] Annie it isn't your fault, it isn't under your control, you are in fact powerless to enact any change whatsoever in your son. You are being held hostage by his abusive and disrespectful behavior, do not allow him to talk to you in that manner. What we allow is what we end up living with, do not allow it. COM gave you the best advice, get yourself to that al anon meeting whether you feel like it or not, you will end up feeling so much better. You will need truckloads of support in order to stop the patterned behavior you and your son engage in. He manipulates you with guilt. There is no reason he should be hungry, there are shelters and food banks everywhere. And, if he spent $900 in 6 days, then that is his issue to figure out, NOT YOURS. You do not have to listen to his abuse. You do not have to do anything about his life. What is necessary now is for you to distance yourself from him and do not answer the phone. Our difficult child's are remarkably resourceful, manipulative and resilient. The consequence of spending all of his money is HIS consequence, NOT YOURS. You didn't do anything wrong. Take deep breaths. Take a bath. Read a book. Take your mind off of your son and refocus on YOU. Do something kind and nurturing for YOU, your life is important and as most of us here do, you have probably neglected it. That alone will make us feel depressed and lonely. Take care of YOU now. YOU. It is imperative that you begin to focus on your needs and wants, on what makes YOU happy, on how you want to spend YOUR time. Once you begin that journey, the choices for your son will develop naturally. It's a process and there are hurdles along the way where we feel guilty and sad, but letting go is what we need to do, letting them go into their own live and make their own choices. If your son is indeed bi polar and addicted, there are resources for him if HE chose to go that route. But HE has to be the one to choose. People in the throes of mental illness CAN make the choice to change. If they don't there isn't ANYTHING you can do about it. That's where detachment comes in. Read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post again and if you can, read [U]Codependent No More[/U] by Melodie Beattie. Find tools to help you, keep your arsenal of tools available to you at all times, meetings, books, supportive environments, perhaps counseling, parent groups, make sure you exercise and eat right, sleep well and find ways to laugh. Life is not over Anne, but you are the only one who can grab your life and gain back control so you can find peace of mind and joy. Hang in there, it WILL get better. Choose to make changes. We're here to support you. [/QUOTE]
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Why did I answer his call?
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