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General Parenting
Why Do difficult children Get So Many Chances?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 350133" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The whole system is nuts. My nephew is 24 (I think) and his mom threw BOXES of tournament trophies away every year from first grade on! He played at least one sport at all times - excelled at all of them. But every single kid on the team got trophies. Until high school. Most of the trophies meant nothing. Not even the huge ones for best player, or city championships. I think he kept a few over the years. Most of them never even got put on a shelf. They got tossed into his room until he had to clean/dust and then they went into the garage. Most didn't even have a TEAM name, much less his name. He found it stupid and crazy to get all those tournaments. In 2nd grade he tried to get the coaches to give him the cash they spent on the trophy instead off the trophy. He was persuasive enough that one team did it - it was enough for a savings bond. Imagine if kids got a savings bond instead of a trophy? It would keep a lot of junk out of the landfill AND help pay for college or bail later!!</p><p></p><p>Wiz kept getting chances. He didn't skip school though he did what I did. Used being in the Newspaper/Yearbook or some other club to get a LOT of passes off campus. At least he was that smart. He took a LOT of fluff classes in high school. Now he wants to go to college. With forensic science and two other fluff science classes, low math grades, no foreign language and many other requirements not met. He was really down last week because he needs a LOT of remedial classes before he can even try the general ed requirements for a degree. He got "great" grades in HS, but now they don't mean much and he feels like a real fool. He was trying to beat the "system". It worked at the time. Not so much later.</p><p></p><p>But they will give him chances. And more chances.</p><p></p><p>My bro got more and more chances up into grad school!!! Right now he doesn't want his daughter to get any of the "chances" he took. He knows his ex will give them to her anyway. we pray she won't need them, but who knows.</p><p></p><p>All of these "chances" right now are to save money by not holding them back, putting them in juvy or jail, etc... In the long run is it a false economy. They spend a lot more time dealing with difficult children, and later consequences cost a lot more $.</p><p></p><p>Ktmom- we got the "overinvolved" koi also. In first grade, in second, when we pulled him out to homeschool him (had to have a letter from superintendent. Was denied at first because we would then continue to be "over-involved in our child's life"!), in elem school, when he went to middle school and was psychotic (yes, it was our over-involvement that caused it - not the violent images on the computer he was addicted to!) and when we first called the cops because he hurt me and was trying to break a mirror so he could cut his wrists!</p><p></p><p>It is what we are told when we catch them not doing their jobs by giving our kids too many chances rather than dealing with paperwork and difficult children.</p><p></p><p>Sadly there is no end in sight for these chances. Not until the real world bites them, and each subsequent generation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 350133, member: 1233"] The whole system is nuts. My nephew is 24 (I think) and his mom threw BOXES of tournament trophies away every year from first grade on! He played at least one sport at all times - excelled at all of them. But every single kid on the team got trophies. Until high school. Most of the trophies meant nothing. Not even the huge ones for best player, or city championships. I think he kept a few over the years. Most of them never even got put on a shelf. They got tossed into his room until he had to clean/dust and then they went into the garage. Most didn't even have a TEAM name, much less his name. He found it stupid and crazy to get all those tournaments. In 2nd grade he tried to get the coaches to give him the cash they spent on the trophy instead off the trophy. He was persuasive enough that one team did it - it was enough for a savings bond. Imagine if kids got a savings bond instead of a trophy? It would keep a lot of junk out of the landfill AND help pay for college or bail later!! Wiz kept getting chances. He didn't skip school though he did what I did. Used being in the Newspaper/Yearbook or some other club to get a LOT of passes off campus. At least he was that smart. He took a LOT of fluff classes in high school. Now he wants to go to college. With forensic science and two other fluff science classes, low math grades, no foreign language and many other requirements not met. He was really down last week because he needs a LOT of remedial classes before he can even try the general ed requirements for a degree. He got "great" grades in HS, but now they don't mean much and he feels like a real fool. He was trying to beat the "system". It worked at the time. Not so much later. But they will give him chances. And more chances. My bro got more and more chances up into grad school!!! Right now he doesn't want his daughter to get any of the "chances" he took. He knows his ex will give them to her anyway. we pray she won't need them, but who knows. All of these "chances" right now are to save money by not holding them back, putting them in juvy or jail, etc... In the long run is it a false economy. They spend a lot more time dealing with difficult children, and later consequences cost a lot more $. Ktmom- we got the "overinvolved" koi also. In first grade, in second, when we pulled him out to homeschool him (had to have a letter from superintendent. Was denied at first because we would then continue to be "over-involved in our child's life"!), in elem school, when he went to middle school and was psychotic (yes, it was our over-involvement that caused it - not the violent images on the computer he was addicted to!) and when we first called the cops because he hurt me and was trying to break a mirror so he could cut his wrists! It is what we are told when we catch them not doing their jobs by giving our kids too many chances rather than dealing with paperwork and difficult children. Sadly there is no end in sight for these chances. Not until the real world bites them, and each subsequent generation. [/QUOTE]
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