Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
why do I still talk????
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 446434" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>H&R gives excellent ideas. Have a list of things that gma can do with the other kids. Make a sort of "safety plan" that when whatever comes up, gma does this and/or that. Include gpa if needed. Think of it as a "sanity plan". Many of us make safety plans for what happens wehn difficult child rages. Make the plan for what to do when gma gets up in your face. With kids around there are ALWAY things to be done. She can fold laundry, check the paper for movie times, read to the kids, whatever.</p><p></p><p>Did I dream it or did she come in from another country? maybe she could use some of those times to teach the other kids some song in another language or about customs of another country. If I dreamed it, ask her to tell a story about when seh was little. </p><p></p><p>One thing that we now do with any older relatives is to record them telling family stories. My parents did this when my great gma was alive. Just a couple of years ago we managed to find them and get them transferred to mp3 files - and they are precious to all of us. I bet being asked to tell some family stories would make her feel important and valued. If being recorded makes her nervous, try having it set somewhere she can't see it.</p><p></p><p>I was serious about using the techniques from the Love and Logic books on your parents. They work. Esp having the standard responses that just roll off your tongue naturally - ones that show empathy but don't fix it or let them go on and on. The library should have the L&L books and you can also check out their website" <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> . I have found this to be extremely helpful with my kids and parents. Don't skip the teacher stuff - it can be helpful too sometimes.</p><p></p><p>When my friends and I all started to get married my mom gave us some advice that I found works on her also. The basic rules for training a dog work on kids and spouses and grandparents. Simple 1 word or 2 word commands. Lots of praise. be very consistent. It isn't foolproof, esp with a difficult child, of course. But it does work with pcs pretty well. </p><p></p><p>(NOT insulting anyone by saying kids are dogs, just that this simple set of rules can be very helpful!)</p><p></p><p>Last time you tried to ignore things or smooth them over and your mom got more and more upset and so did you until things blew. this time, don't stuff those feelings down. I did that with visits for a long time until I finally shocked the snot out of my mom by asking her exactly what I was doing that made me the horrible mom she treated me as? Why was it that NOTHING I did was right - seh had to tell me how to fix every single thing I did. She thought she was helping, trying to contribute ideas to help make things better but the only message that got through was that nothing I could do was good enough. That trip I actually stopped and let her have the kids for a weekend. Told her that since I clearly had NO idea how to parent them or run my home, she was the mom and I was the guest. Just the OFFER was enough to remind her that even though she was my mother she was also my GUEST.</p><p></p><p>I have a feelign that your mom forgets she is your guest. maybe reminding her of that would be a good thing also. Would she treat any other hostess the way she treats you? </p><p></p><p>Whatever you do, I hope this visit is better than the last ones. IT is YOUR home and YOUR husband and YOUR children. Speak your mind and if needed let her know that she is being disrespectful to her hostess.</p><p></p><p>You have us rooting for you!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 446434, member: 1233"] H&R gives excellent ideas. Have a list of things that gma can do with the other kids. Make a sort of "safety plan" that when whatever comes up, gma does this and/or that. Include gpa if needed. Think of it as a "sanity plan". Many of us make safety plans for what happens wehn difficult child rages. Make the plan for what to do when gma gets up in your face. With kids around there are ALWAY things to be done. She can fold laundry, check the paper for movie times, read to the kids, whatever. Did I dream it or did she come in from another country? maybe she could use some of those times to teach the other kids some song in another language or about customs of another country. If I dreamed it, ask her to tell a story about when seh was little. One thing that we now do with any older relatives is to record them telling family stories. My parents did this when my great gma was alive. Just a couple of years ago we managed to find them and get them transferred to mp3 files - and they are precious to all of us. I bet being asked to tell some family stories would make her feel important and valued. If being recorded makes her nervous, try having it set somewhere she can't see it. I was serious about using the techniques from the Love and Logic books on your parents. They work. Esp having the standard responses that just roll off your tongue naturally - ones that show empathy but don't fix it or let them go on and on. The library should have the L&L books and you can also check out their website" [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url] . I have found this to be extremely helpful with my kids and parents. Don't skip the teacher stuff - it can be helpful too sometimes. When my friends and I all started to get married my mom gave us some advice that I found works on her also. The basic rules for training a dog work on kids and spouses and grandparents. Simple 1 word or 2 word commands. Lots of praise. be very consistent. It isn't foolproof, esp with a difficult child, of course. But it does work with pcs pretty well. (NOT insulting anyone by saying kids are dogs, just that this simple set of rules can be very helpful!) Last time you tried to ignore things or smooth them over and your mom got more and more upset and so did you until things blew. this time, don't stuff those feelings down. I did that with visits for a long time until I finally shocked the snot out of my mom by asking her exactly what I was doing that made me the horrible mom she treated me as? Why was it that NOTHING I did was right - seh had to tell me how to fix every single thing I did. She thought she was helping, trying to contribute ideas to help make things better but the only message that got through was that nothing I could do was good enough. That trip I actually stopped and let her have the kids for a weekend. Told her that since I clearly had NO idea how to parent them or run my home, she was the mom and I was the guest. Just the OFFER was enough to remind her that even though she was my mother she was also my GUEST. I have a feelign that your mom forgets she is your guest. maybe reminding her of that would be a good thing also. Would she treat any other hostess the way she treats you? Whatever you do, I hope this visit is better than the last ones. IT is YOUR home and YOUR husband and YOUR children. Speak your mind and if needed let her know that she is being disrespectful to her hostess. You have us rooting for you!!! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
why do I still talk????
Top