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Why do people lie and/or avoid?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 250174" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>DaisyFace, your friend is the perfect example of how a small lie (or what seems to be a small lie) can come back to bite us, and if we allow it to compound it can change our life, for the worse.</p><p></p><p>What a fool! Surely she could simply say, "I goofed, I was trying to impress you." Really good friends should be able to 'fess up and maybe even laugh about how foolish they were trying to be.</p><p></p><p>But then - if she felt the need to tell you that lie in the first place, then WHY? She had the perfect opportunity to say, "It IS difficult for men in the profession our husbands are in, we're in the same boat as you." And what would have been wrong with that? But instead, part of her felt the need to compete unfavourably with you. Maybe she was trying to give you hope - "My husband is back in a well-paid job" even if it wasn't true. But if that was the case, then it should have been easy for her to say (when you asked for a reference), "Actually, I exaggerated a bit, I was only trying to make you feel better, you seemed so down."</p><p></p><p>But she couldn't. Which tells me her motives for big-noting her husband's salary was NOT merely trying to cheer you up, but instead trying to cheer herself up, at your expense.</p><p></p><p>That is not friendship.</p><p></p><p>So don't mourn. Move on. She is the one who has painted herself into a corner and has therefore limited her options.</p><p></p><p>So sad, what we do to ourselves sometimes.</p><p></p><p>One last thought on lying - it is so much easier to tell the truth, because then you don't have to keep mental track of what you've said, so you cna maintain consistency. If what you've said is all truth, then all you have to remember, is what really happened instead of having to try to remember a dozen different lies.</p><p></p><p>That give me much more mental energy to get on an enjoy living.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 250174, member: 1991"] DaisyFace, your friend is the perfect example of how a small lie (or what seems to be a small lie) can come back to bite us, and if we allow it to compound it can change our life, for the worse. What a fool! Surely she could simply say, "I goofed, I was trying to impress you." Really good friends should be able to 'fess up and maybe even laugh about how foolish they were trying to be. But then - if she felt the need to tell you that lie in the first place, then WHY? She had the perfect opportunity to say, "It IS difficult for men in the profession our husbands are in, we're in the same boat as you." And what would have been wrong with that? But instead, part of her felt the need to compete unfavourably with you. Maybe she was trying to give you hope - "My husband is back in a well-paid job" even if it wasn't true. But if that was the case, then it should have been easy for her to say (when you asked for a reference), "Actually, I exaggerated a bit, I was only trying to make you feel better, you seemed so down." But she couldn't. Which tells me her motives for big-noting her husband's salary was NOT merely trying to cheer you up, but instead trying to cheer herself up, at your expense. That is not friendship. So don't mourn. Move on. She is the one who has painted herself into a corner and has therefore limited her options. So sad, what we do to ourselves sometimes. One last thought on lying - it is so much easier to tell the truth, because then you don't have to keep mental track of what you've said, so you cna maintain consistency. If what you've said is all truth, then all you have to remember, is what really happened instead of having to try to remember a dozen different lies. That give me much more mental energy to get on an enjoy living. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Why do people lie and/or avoid?
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