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Why does my son complain so often?
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 445771" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Malika,</p><p>Of course J got madder-when you praise him as he is having a "real" meltdown, it is as if you are making fun of him. The idea was to practice-not in the heat of the moment.</p><p>I found a link to this Dr. Kazdin.(also a video of his Dr, Phil appearance). He is from Yale, has research behind his methods and worth a look. As I've said before, I just believe in a bag of tricks. I also believe there is so much advise on parenting out there, noone has the <strong>single answer </strong>for any family, no matter who is in that family. I think we have to search for ideas and methods that fit our abilities, and our child's needs. So here is the link if you are interested. I ordered his book-I want to hear his ideas and see if any are usuable for me. <a href="http://www.alankazdin.com/index.htm" target="_blank">http://www.alankazdin.com/index.htm</a> I have not tried them so I have no testimonial-he just seems to have some good ideas.</p><p></p><p>Knowing the underlying cause of behaviors is always a good thing to find out. Sometimes it is difficult to impossible for many reasons. It took us years to find out what was causing our child's PTSD. Believe me we tried to get to the bottom of it. In the mean time, we had to manage behaviors. I think we did a good job given the situation, though her mental illness continues to cause her problems, she has always told us we were good parents. We all do the best we can and sometimes the mountain is just sooo high. The one thing I do know, is that kids who stuggle with behavior recieve so much negative feedback from the world. <strong>If I recieved that much negative input day in and day out, I'd be a complaining grump as well! </strong> By the way, I am a complaining grump sometimes when I have to field this stuff for my child. We see the wonderfulness of them and the potential and often it is washed away by those who don't have this knowledge of our child. Yep, the hidden disability as Marg mentions. If my girl and your boy had a more physically obvious disability, there would be more compassion. I've seen it at school with my students for 25 years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 445771, member: 11001"] Malika, Of course J got madder-when you praise him as he is having a "real" meltdown, it is as if you are making fun of him. The idea was to practice-not in the heat of the moment. I found a link to this Dr. Kazdin.(also a video of his Dr, Phil appearance). He is from Yale, has research behind his methods and worth a look. As I've said before, I just believe in a bag of tricks. I also believe there is so much advise on parenting out there, noone has the [B]single answer [/B]for any family, no matter who is in that family. I think we have to search for ideas and methods that fit our abilities, and our child's needs. So here is the link if you are interested. I ordered his book-I want to hear his ideas and see if any are usuable for me. [URL]http://www.alankazdin.com/index.htm[/URL] I have not tried them so I have no testimonial-he just seems to have some good ideas. Knowing the underlying cause of behaviors is always a good thing to find out. Sometimes it is difficult to impossible for many reasons. It took us years to find out what was causing our child's PTSD. Believe me we tried to get to the bottom of it. In the mean time, we had to manage behaviors. I think we did a good job given the situation, though her mental illness continues to cause her problems, she has always told us we were good parents. We all do the best we can and sometimes the mountain is just sooo high. The one thing I do know, is that kids who stuggle with behavior recieve so much negative feedback from the world. [B]If I recieved that much negative input day in and day out, I'd be a complaining grump as well! [/B] By the way, I am a complaining grump sometimes when I have to field this stuff for my child. We see the wonderfulness of them and the potential and often it is washed away by those who don't have this knowledge of our child. Yep, the hidden disability as Marg mentions. If my girl and your boy had a more physically obvious disability, there would be more compassion. I've seen it at school with my students for 25 years. [/QUOTE]
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