It's so normal for a parent to want our child to love us back. But sadly, our adult children that we are detaching from are not normal, but are dysfunctional and don't have the capacity to love us. I'm suspicious that they don't even love themselves, or they wouldn't be self-destructing like they are.
Unfortunately, I'm actually happier and more at peace when difficult child isn't communicating. Because I know that whenever my phone lights up with a text from him, it's not good. It's never good. Somehow, we always hope, though.
I got sucker punched just the other day. The texts went like this:
difficult child: Hey (I'm bracing myself for the "can you call me?" or "i need help" that usually follows)
Me: Hi there, how are you doing? (okay, big mistake. major opening for a request for help, but I'm just too programmed for politeness)
difficult child: Okay, you? (What? He's actually okay, and he's communicating? And he's asking about me? Maybe there is good news for a change - or he just misses me!)
Me: I'm struggling with sinus problems and a little bit of sore throat, but otherwise fine. (I expect the "normal" adult response of a tiny bit of sympathy)
difficult child: I rolled my car.
Oomph! There it was. Sucker punch. Should have seen that one coming. I think we miss the little kids we remember them to be. I think we miss that voice, or the voice that we hope will someday be that of an adult child that has an adult relationship with us and appreciates all we did for them to help them develop into the wonderful human beings that they have become. But that's our fantasy.
I don't take it personal any more. I just don't think my difficult child, or yours, has the ability to miss us in a normal, "I love my mom and/or dad and have a good relationship with them and miss our interactions or just talking with them" kind of way. That part of their brain or personality is missing, at least for right now, as MWM says, due to their drug use or personality disorder or whatever else is going on with them.
It's not you. But it still makes us sad. Hugs from me too. Go get your nails done or have a message. You deserve it. I got a manicure today and I feel much better. 
