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Why doesn't he wipe his butt?????
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 496144" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>This was a huge problem for us too, with difficult child 1 for years plus easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 3, each of them causing different variations on a theme with the problem.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 would forget to wipe. Would wee over the raised toilet lid and seat so it all went down the back and caught in the hinge.</p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 would get poo on her fingers while wiping, so she avoided wiping, but anything on her fingers she would wipe on the wall. In vain did I say, "there's toilet paper, wipe your fingers on that first then go wash your hands afterwards."</p><p>All three of the younger kids would get red, sore anuses from failure to clean up properly. This made them more reluctant to wipe, because it hurt. So we began on multiple levels - </p><p></p><p>1) Treat the sore tail first. Clean carefully with baby wipes then smear on some coconut oil or olive oil. Do it for the kid to begin with (forget about their age - the calendar does not apply to difficult children, they mature differently) then talk them through doing it for themselves. I keep a box of baby wipes in the bathroom, along with the bin to put them in.</p><p></p><p>2) Rehearse the right way to go to the toilet. Sometimes the kids try to figure it out for themselves, or they get lazy, or they genuinely forget what they should do (despite repeated reminders). Telling them does not work, these kids are not good listeners. But they can be good learners from DOING or SEEING. So talk them through each step. "You need to get this right or you will get a sore tail. It will get nasty, red and really unpleasant for you. But do it right and you will be clean and comfortable. First - wipe with toilet paper. Wipe from front to back for girls; be very careful to not spread stuff where it should not go. Second - until your skill improves, use a baby wipe. Look at the baby wipe after each pass and when the wipe is clean, you know you have done the job well enough. Third, apply a little oil to your anus to protect the skin. Then go wash your hands with soap and dry them on a towel."</p><p></p><p>3) The next step - they have to clean up their clothing (and the walls). I got a scrubbing brush for each of my kids to use. None would admit to being the culprit so they all had to take a turn at scrubbing the toilet walls. I was fairly sure who it was, so were the kids, so I let them discuss it privately with one another and this added to the pressure to do the right thing. With the wee on the toilet seat, that was only the boys and I got each of them (as I identified the culprit) to clean up under my supervision. A quick wipe with fresh toilet paper over the spill was generally enough, but if it had been sitting there festering, I needed to get them to use the bleach.</p><p></p><p>4) If this was still too difficult, I did it for them. I wiped their rear ends if they needed it done, I used the baby wipes, I used the oil, I washed my hands (made them do it too so I could teach them the right way to wash). I also made them clean up their soiled clothing. If it was a really bad mess then they had to get into the shower (not running), strip off in there, then let me hose them down with the hand-held shower. Then careful drying, oiling and dressing in clean clothes. ALL clean clothes, because wearing even slightly soiled underpants stinks up the outer layers as well even if technically they're clean. These kids tend to be more plugged in to their limbic system and smells are very primal, if they go through a clean-up process and there is still a smell, the lesson won't have been so well learned. When they realise they feel and smell clean, they learn to associate that and also connect with how they got to smell/feel clean, and you are beginning to make headway.</p><p></p><p>5) A lot of these delays are also often due to sensory immaturity - these kids just are less plugged in to their body's signals. Younger kids, more immature kids, also do not void properly. You know yourself - when you "do the job" properly (especially if your diet is healthy) then often wiping is just a formality, just to make sure you're clean. But kids in a hurry or less plugged in to their bodies will leave the job half done, and this leaves a mess that is far more tricky to clean up. </p><p></p><p>Kids need to learn to take time in the toilet, time as they need it. Kids who are highly distractible find this a lot more challenging. They also can leave it too late and end up with a soiling problem. Soiling problems can lead to other problems which can escalate things and you have to start over. I know it sounds tacky to some people, but having something to occupy the child in the toilet can encourage them to stay until they're properly finished. Even us adults in our home use this technique - I often have a crossword puzzle in the loo. In the kids' loo I have schoolwork stuck to the wall, plus jokes, a Periodic Table, some Escher prints and some optical illusions. a Magic Eye can work too. I have friends who tell me that thanks to me and our toilet, they now fully comprehend the definition of molarity as well as how to do long division.</p><p></p><p>Never yell, just be calm and firm. This has to be done right for the individual's health. You will help, but this is their body, their responsibility overall to make sure they are clean and their clothes are clean. And their environment.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 would not use any communal toilet away from home. This included at school. So I was often called to come to the school and clean him up. We got the job done as quickly and calmly as we could in the staff toilets and dealt with the bag of soiled clothing when he got home from school. Letting him wear disposable gloves for this made the job possible.</p><p></p><p>It is important to identify why this is happening. is it lack of personal body awareness? Is it over-fastidiousness? it is lack of fastidiousness? Is it discomfort? it is impatience? Each answer requires a different response.</p><p></p><p>I hope this info helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 496144, member: 1991"] This was a huge problem for us too, with difficult child 1 for years plus easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 3, each of them causing different variations on a theme with the problem. difficult child 1 would forget to wipe. Would wee over the raised toilet lid and seat so it all went down the back and caught in the hinge. easy child 2/difficult child 2 would get poo on her fingers while wiping, so she avoided wiping, but anything on her fingers she would wipe on the wall. In vain did I say, "there's toilet paper, wipe your fingers on that first then go wash your hands afterwards." All three of the younger kids would get red, sore anuses from failure to clean up properly. This made them more reluctant to wipe, because it hurt. So we began on multiple levels - 1) Treat the sore tail first. Clean carefully with baby wipes then smear on some coconut oil or olive oil. Do it for the kid to begin with (forget about their age - the calendar does not apply to difficult children, they mature differently) then talk them through doing it for themselves. I keep a box of baby wipes in the bathroom, along with the bin to put them in. 2) Rehearse the right way to go to the toilet. Sometimes the kids try to figure it out for themselves, or they get lazy, or they genuinely forget what they should do (despite repeated reminders). Telling them does not work, these kids are not good listeners. But they can be good learners from DOING or SEEING. So talk them through each step. "You need to get this right or you will get a sore tail. It will get nasty, red and really unpleasant for you. But do it right and you will be clean and comfortable. First - wipe with toilet paper. Wipe from front to back for girls; be very careful to not spread stuff where it should not go. Second - until your skill improves, use a baby wipe. Look at the baby wipe after each pass and when the wipe is clean, you know you have done the job well enough. Third, apply a little oil to your anus to protect the skin. Then go wash your hands with soap and dry them on a towel." 3) The next step - they have to clean up their clothing (and the walls). I got a scrubbing brush for each of my kids to use. None would admit to being the culprit so they all had to take a turn at scrubbing the toilet walls. I was fairly sure who it was, so were the kids, so I let them discuss it privately with one another and this added to the pressure to do the right thing. With the wee on the toilet seat, that was only the boys and I got each of them (as I identified the culprit) to clean up under my supervision. A quick wipe with fresh toilet paper over the spill was generally enough, but if it had been sitting there festering, I needed to get them to use the bleach. 4) If this was still too difficult, I did it for them. I wiped their rear ends if they needed it done, I used the baby wipes, I used the oil, I washed my hands (made them do it too so I could teach them the right way to wash). I also made them clean up their soiled clothing. If it was a really bad mess then they had to get into the shower (not running), strip off in there, then let me hose them down with the hand-held shower. Then careful drying, oiling and dressing in clean clothes. ALL clean clothes, because wearing even slightly soiled underpants stinks up the outer layers as well even if technically they're clean. These kids tend to be more plugged in to their limbic system and smells are very primal, if they go through a clean-up process and there is still a smell, the lesson won't have been so well learned. When they realise they feel and smell clean, they learn to associate that and also connect with how they got to smell/feel clean, and you are beginning to make headway. 5) A lot of these delays are also often due to sensory immaturity - these kids just are less plugged in to their body's signals. Younger kids, more immature kids, also do not void properly. You know yourself - when you "do the job" properly (especially if your diet is healthy) then often wiping is just a formality, just to make sure you're clean. But kids in a hurry or less plugged in to their bodies will leave the job half done, and this leaves a mess that is far more tricky to clean up. Kids need to learn to take time in the toilet, time as they need it. Kids who are highly distractible find this a lot more challenging. They also can leave it too late and end up with a soiling problem. Soiling problems can lead to other problems which can escalate things and you have to start over. I know it sounds tacky to some people, but having something to occupy the child in the toilet can encourage them to stay until they're properly finished. Even us adults in our home use this technique - I often have a crossword puzzle in the loo. In the kids' loo I have schoolwork stuck to the wall, plus jokes, a Periodic Table, some Escher prints and some optical illusions. a Magic Eye can work too. I have friends who tell me that thanks to me and our toilet, they now fully comprehend the definition of molarity as well as how to do long division. Never yell, just be calm and firm. This has to be done right for the individual's health. You will help, but this is their body, their responsibility overall to make sure they are clean and their clothes are clean. And their environment. difficult child 3 would not use any communal toilet away from home. This included at school. So I was often called to come to the school and clean him up. We got the job done as quickly and calmly as we could in the staff toilets and dealt with the bag of soiled clothing when he got home from school. Letting him wear disposable gloves for this made the job possible. It is important to identify why this is happening. is it lack of personal body awareness? Is it over-fastidiousness? it is lack of fastidiousness? Is it discomfort? it is impatience? Each answer requires a different response. I hope this info helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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