As I said originally, I think age of the child is a huge factor. Whether it is something the child can control is also a factor. When my little one gets angry, she truly has no control. She is finally learning some, but she still has a long way to go. So, I let it slide when she is truly angry. I do not, however, tolerate abusive language when there is even a modicum of control.
When my daughter was under 10, I would simply tell her that her language and tone were not acceptable and she would be sent to her room if it continued until she was able to control. From 10-15, I let it slide. There were bigger, more important issues. 15-16 she was in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and it wasn't an issue. 17-18, I let her know I was forced to tolerate it now by law but the second she hit 18, I would not tolerate it any longer and she would be gone. Again, her being out-of-control angry was the exception.
Today, the rule has been somewhat modified. If I do something to push her into out-of-control anger, if she is PMSing, if she is overwhelmed, I can understand her anger and I remove myself from the scene. Otherwise, she has to remove herself, just as I do if I am the one angry. This is working well for us.
So, I think there are a lot of factors to be considered as to what and how much verbal abuse any parent should be willing to take. That doesn't mean we have to fully accept it, we just have to decide on the course of action that works for the age and mental makeup of the child.
