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Parent Emeritus
Why must she ruin every holiday? Warning...long, long, vent.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 397012" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so very sorry. Please don't let this ruin anything for you. I know it is hard this year, esp with all the vile lies she spewed. It is really hard work to get to the point that you are insulated from that kind of thing. I am dealing iwth my own holiday hatefulness, so I can empathize. </p><p> </p><p>Your SO didn't fall in love with a woman who had a magical perfect family. He fell in love with YOU. ALL of you, not just the fun parts or the parts that make holidays nice. YOU. Warts, difficult children and all. This year maybe you and SO need to find a tradition that is just yours. </p><p> </p><p>Lots of resolutions are made for New Years. Consider making one that you will improve your detachment skills and learn how to insulate yourself better from difficult child 1 and any other negative influences. My husband once described my gfgbro as a swirling vortex of negativity that cannot be satisfied, much less happy, unless he has made everyone around him miserable. in my opinion your daughter is the same. </p><p> </p><p>The book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, and the workbook of the same name, are great resources to help in this. Regular alanon, narcanon or families anon groups will also be a huge help. You will learn to understand yourself and why you are vulnerable to these influences - ANd how to protect yourself and your kids from the cycle. </p><p> </p><p>Are you and sister in law keeping a record of everything difficult child does with/for/near/about Rae? If not, you MUST start. With enough of this info (and proof if you can gather it - if you can see any of her fb photos, save them to your site or print them as evidence of what she is doing. MANY people actually post photos of themselves using drugs/alcohol and/or breaking other laws. One store here actually pressed charges against a teen who posted pics of all the stuff she shoplifted from them. The idiot put photos of it AND directions to show people how easy it is to steal!! The idiot took them down a couple of days later, but the store had already printed them and alerted the cops. </p><p> </p><p>With enough evidence it may be possible (even easy) to have difficult child 1's parental rights terminated and/or for sister in law to get a restraining order against her. in my opinion it would be a good idea to at least start to put this into motion. That baby does NOT deserve to be treated that way and neither do any of the rest of you.</p><p> </p><p>Many hugs!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 397012, member: 1233"] I am so very sorry. Please don't let this ruin anything for you. I know it is hard this year, esp with all the vile lies she spewed. It is really hard work to get to the point that you are insulated from that kind of thing. I am dealing iwth my own holiday hatefulness, so I can empathize. Your SO didn't fall in love with a woman who had a magical perfect family. He fell in love with YOU. ALL of you, not just the fun parts or the parts that make holidays nice. YOU. Warts, difficult children and all. This year maybe you and SO need to find a tradition that is just yours. Lots of resolutions are made for New Years. Consider making one that you will improve your detachment skills and learn how to insulate yourself better from difficult child 1 and any other negative influences. My husband once described my gfgbro as a swirling vortex of negativity that cannot be satisfied, much less happy, unless he has made everyone around him miserable. in my opinion your daughter is the same. The book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, and the workbook of the same name, are great resources to help in this. Regular alanon, narcanon or families anon groups will also be a huge help. You will learn to understand yourself and why you are vulnerable to these influences - ANd how to protect yourself and your kids from the cycle. Are you and sister in law keeping a record of everything difficult child does with/for/near/about Rae? If not, you MUST start. With enough of this info (and proof if you can gather it - if you can see any of her fb photos, save them to your site or print them as evidence of what she is doing. MANY people actually post photos of themselves using drugs/alcohol and/or breaking other laws. One store here actually pressed charges against a teen who posted pics of all the stuff she shoplifted from them. The idiot put photos of it AND directions to show people how easy it is to steal!! The idiot took them down a couple of days later, but the store had already printed them and alerted the cops. With enough evidence it may be possible (even easy) to have difficult child 1's parental rights terminated and/or for sister in law to get a restraining order against her. in my opinion it would be a good idea to at least start to put this into motion. That baby does NOT deserve to be treated that way and neither do any of the rest of you. Many hugs!! [/QUOTE]
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Why must she ruin every holiday? Warning...long, long, vent.
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