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Why must they lie
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 152690" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Let's see -- he was hungry now. You said wait. He didn't want to wait. Got busted. You hit him. You asked him what he could have done differently while he was still angry.</p><p> </p><p>I can't tell you what yours was thinking, I can tell you why mine would have reacted the exact same way. She wouldn't have cared that dinner was on the way -- she was hungry NOW. She still would have eaten any food put in front of her and she wasn't getting a lot of food and it wasn't just empty calories. She would have lied about it because she knows I would have made her put it back or get rid of it. The cabinet door would have been slammed out of frustration and anger. She would have gone to her room but there is no way she would have listened to a single word I would have said at that point. </p><p> </p><p>Now, after going through this a few times, here's what I learned:</p><p> </p><p>1. I would have let know dinner was coming shortly but given her the option of a quick, light, healthy snack if she truly felt she couldn't wait but with the knowledge that I would have expected her to eat all of her dinner.</p><p> </p><p>2. I learned to not ask if I knew the answer. "It would have been a simple please throw whatever is your hand away. Thank you." If you don't ask, it's hard to lie.</p><p> </p><p>3. Save the discussion about how things could have been handled differently until everyone is truly calmed down. I would tell my daughter to come talk to me about an incident when we were both calm. I would also be open to hearing how I could have handled things better, not just putting it all on her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>I'd pretty much dismiss what that therapist said. Remember, the therapist was dismissed for a reason. Now, if he had refused to throw the almonds away, hit you either when you swatted his arm or when he was so angry he was shaking, I'd say you had more to fear. As angry as he was, he did his level best to retain control. That really does say a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Also remember that kids will almost always lie to get out of trouble, especially between the ages of 8-11. If your son is halfway typical, he is immature so is probably doing exactly what an 11 YO boy would do when caught redhanded .. DENY DENY DENY. Who knows? You might even be convinced that you're nuts and didn't see exactly what you saw.</p><p> </p><p>Given his age, Dxes and the stressors in your home, do find time for you. You'll need every ounce of strength you can muster to survive.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 152690, member: 3626"] Let's see -- he was hungry now. You said wait. He didn't want to wait. Got busted. You hit him. You asked him what he could have done differently while he was still angry. I can't tell you what yours was thinking, I can tell you why mine would have reacted the exact same way. She wouldn't have cared that dinner was on the way -- she was hungry NOW. She still would have eaten any food put in front of her and she wasn't getting a lot of food and it wasn't just empty calories. She would have lied about it because she knows I would have made her put it back or get rid of it. The cabinet door would have been slammed out of frustration and anger. She would have gone to her room but there is no way she would have listened to a single word I would have said at that point. Now, after going through this a few times, here's what I learned: 1. I would have let know dinner was coming shortly but given her the option of a quick, light, healthy snack if she truly felt she couldn't wait but with the knowledge that I would have expected her to eat all of her dinner. 2. I learned to not ask if I knew the answer. "It would have been a simple please throw whatever is your hand away. Thank you." If you don't ask, it's hard to lie. 3. Save the discussion about how things could have been handled differently until everyone is truly calmed down. I would tell my daughter to come talk to me about an incident when we were both calm. I would also be open to hearing how I could have handled things better, not just putting it all on her behavior. I'd pretty much dismiss what that therapist said. Remember, the therapist was dismissed for a reason. Now, if he had refused to throw the almonds away, hit you either when you swatted his arm or when he was so angry he was shaking, I'd say you had more to fear. As angry as he was, he did his level best to retain control. That really does say a lot. Also remember that kids will almost always lie to get out of trouble, especially between the ages of 8-11. If your son is halfway typical, he is immature so is probably doing exactly what an 11 YO boy would do when caught redhanded .. DENY DENY DENY. Who knows? You might even be convinced that you're nuts and didn't see exactly what you saw. Given his age, Dxes and the stressors in your home, do find time for you. You'll need every ounce of strength you can muster to survive. [/QUOTE]
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