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Why on earth is a budget a bad thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 574020" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>in my opinion waking my husband up to talk about anything at 3:45am is NOT going to result in anything good. While I am often awake at that hour, wth a mnd that is at least semi functional, my husband so totally is NOT. Given that my husband doesn't go and do hard physical labor every day, the way Tony does, but he does go to work every day whether it is to teach, work an event on campus, or to prepare for class and help students, I try to be respectful about his need for sleep.</p><p></p><p>As for Billy, you are not doing him any favors allowing him to live the lifestyle of a person who has a much higher income. He is currently earning $18,000 plus commission but he is spending only $1800 on rent and bills for his room and board. Most financial guides advise keeping mortgage/rent to no more than 25% of income, and for most people it can be very hard to keep under that amount, esp as I was told that includes utilities. Billy's rent and share of the bills, NOT including food, should be more in the line of $450 per month, or $225 per pay period. He should be paying food ON TOP of that amount. You say his food expenses cost you more than $150 per month. You are perfectly within your rights to start charging him for what his food actually costs. </p><p></p><p>He is going to be very angry and rather confused when you change the rules. You can tell him you have had to redo the budget for the new year because you need to get a handle on spending due to the increased medical costs (or whatever, just DO NOT say it is because cory is moving home, esp as we KNOW it isn't that!) and this is a more equitable arrangement for all the adults. Do not discuss Cory's income and what he is paying you. That is NOT somethng that Billy needs to know, it is between you, Tony and Cory. Billy also doesn't have an infant who needs so much and has spent years supporting himself AND Mandy AND over a year supporting McKenzie. Billy can afford to pay more because he simply has no real expenses that are not luxuries beyond his car and gas to go to work.</p><p></p><p>Call the internet provider and see how much it would cost you to get a package that suits YOUR needs and Tony's needs and any basic needs you feel you WISH to provide for others who are in your home. Do NOT include the super fast whatever stuff that is for gamers. You don't need it and you won't really miss it, esp as Billy likely uses enough bandwidth or whatever that it slows down whatever you are doing online, at least when he is home. Inform Billy in a totally matter of fact way that the internet/tv/whatever service is changing to this via that company and if Billy wants more that is his choice and he is free to pay you up front for six months of the fees for whatever the upgraded service costs. This includes him paying for the equipment if you can send the equipment back and get cheaper stuff that will do what you want. </p><p></p><p>Billy is living the lifestyle of someone who is earned well more than double his base salary and he isn't working at all for that increased lifestyle. I am horrified at how little he does for you and how he is babied and how Tony seems to see nothing wrong but if Cory was in Billy's situation then it would be WW3 at your house between them. Billy has challenges, but so does everyone. You went out and held a job and lived wthin your means as much as humanly possible. in my opinion Billy isn't even TRYING to live within his means or to be ndependent. I don't know how a girlfriend would even begin to cope wtih that, I honestly don't. I am glad he has one, and I hope she is loving and caring and TOUGH on him, esp about all the gaming and not dong anything to help his disabled mother with the house or the bills.</p><p></p><p>I am esp horrified because in many threads about Billy it seems like he keeps trying to rub your nose in the fact that you are 'poor' and he has such a nice car and clothes and stuff. But if you didn't have to pay almost all of his living expenses, you COULD get someone to come in a couple times a month to help clean, and you could have nicer things. I don't think he even has a clue how expensive his lifestyle is, and he needs to learn that asap. in my opinion he also needs to have his internet cut off until he gets with the program as far as chores and cleaning and being a good roommate. But that is me, and I will not be the one there as he rages when he cannot get his fix, so I understand that it may not be the right choice for you in your situation. I respect that you can evaluate that and make the choice that is best and safest for YOU.</p><p></p><p>I think the budget is a great idea, and not just for you. I find that we fight less and generally feel more secure if we know what the bills are, when they are paid and that they were actually paid. it is a very good thing, at least for my marriage, for each of us to know the state of our finances. Write out a budget based on the info you do have. Wait a few days or until you have a quiet time that you can talk to Tony about this, and make sure that he isn't blindsided by the topic or timing. </p><p></p><p>Regardless of what budget you and Tony have, it is unfair to Billy to let him slide by with the pitiful amount he is currently paying you. Esp given that until recently he would eat a 2 lb block of cheese in a day or two (you said this on another post). Eating on that scale would put us out of house and home! If Billy wants to eat that way then he NEEDS to know all the costs of that choice. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs))))) and lots of support as you go through and implement these changes. As you do, remember that you don't like change any more than anyone else does, esp when it isn't your idea. Don't give up, expect opposition and attitude, and insist on respect and 'my house, my rules' as well as 'do to get'.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 574020, member: 1233"] in my opinion waking my husband up to talk about anything at 3:45am is NOT going to result in anything good. While I am often awake at that hour, wth a mnd that is at least semi functional, my husband so totally is NOT. Given that my husband doesn't go and do hard physical labor every day, the way Tony does, but he does go to work every day whether it is to teach, work an event on campus, or to prepare for class and help students, I try to be respectful about his need for sleep. As for Billy, you are not doing him any favors allowing him to live the lifestyle of a person who has a much higher income. He is currently earning $18,000 plus commission but he is spending only $1800 on rent and bills for his room and board. Most financial guides advise keeping mortgage/rent to no more than 25% of income, and for most people it can be very hard to keep under that amount, esp as I was told that includes utilities. Billy's rent and share of the bills, NOT including food, should be more in the line of $450 per month, or $225 per pay period. He should be paying food ON TOP of that amount. You say his food expenses cost you more than $150 per month. You are perfectly within your rights to start charging him for what his food actually costs. He is going to be very angry and rather confused when you change the rules. You can tell him you have had to redo the budget for the new year because you need to get a handle on spending due to the increased medical costs (or whatever, just DO NOT say it is because cory is moving home, esp as we KNOW it isn't that!) and this is a more equitable arrangement for all the adults. Do not discuss Cory's income and what he is paying you. That is NOT somethng that Billy needs to know, it is between you, Tony and Cory. Billy also doesn't have an infant who needs so much and has spent years supporting himself AND Mandy AND over a year supporting McKenzie. Billy can afford to pay more because he simply has no real expenses that are not luxuries beyond his car and gas to go to work. Call the internet provider and see how much it would cost you to get a package that suits YOUR needs and Tony's needs and any basic needs you feel you WISH to provide for others who are in your home. Do NOT include the super fast whatever stuff that is for gamers. You don't need it and you won't really miss it, esp as Billy likely uses enough bandwidth or whatever that it slows down whatever you are doing online, at least when he is home. Inform Billy in a totally matter of fact way that the internet/tv/whatever service is changing to this via that company and if Billy wants more that is his choice and he is free to pay you up front for six months of the fees for whatever the upgraded service costs. This includes him paying for the equipment if you can send the equipment back and get cheaper stuff that will do what you want. Billy is living the lifestyle of someone who is earned well more than double his base salary and he isn't working at all for that increased lifestyle. I am horrified at how little he does for you and how he is babied and how Tony seems to see nothing wrong but if Cory was in Billy's situation then it would be WW3 at your house between them. Billy has challenges, but so does everyone. You went out and held a job and lived wthin your means as much as humanly possible. in my opinion Billy isn't even TRYING to live within his means or to be ndependent. I don't know how a girlfriend would even begin to cope wtih that, I honestly don't. I am glad he has one, and I hope she is loving and caring and TOUGH on him, esp about all the gaming and not dong anything to help his disabled mother with the house or the bills. I am esp horrified because in many threads about Billy it seems like he keeps trying to rub your nose in the fact that you are 'poor' and he has such a nice car and clothes and stuff. But if you didn't have to pay almost all of his living expenses, you COULD get someone to come in a couple times a month to help clean, and you could have nicer things. I don't think he even has a clue how expensive his lifestyle is, and he needs to learn that asap. in my opinion he also needs to have his internet cut off until he gets with the program as far as chores and cleaning and being a good roommate. But that is me, and I will not be the one there as he rages when he cannot get his fix, so I understand that it may not be the right choice for you in your situation. I respect that you can evaluate that and make the choice that is best and safest for YOU. I think the budget is a great idea, and not just for you. I find that we fight less and generally feel more secure if we know what the bills are, when they are paid and that they were actually paid. it is a very good thing, at least for my marriage, for each of us to know the state of our finances. Write out a budget based on the info you do have. Wait a few days or until you have a quiet time that you can talk to Tony about this, and make sure that he isn't blindsided by the topic or timing. Regardless of what budget you and Tony have, it is unfair to Billy to let him slide by with the pitiful amount he is currently paying you. Esp given that until recently he would eat a 2 lb block of cheese in a day or two (you said this on another post). Eating on that scale would put us out of house and home! If Billy wants to eat that way then he NEEDS to know all the costs of that choice. (((((hugs))))) and lots of support as you go through and implement these changes. As you do, remember that you don't like change any more than anyone else does, esp when it isn't your idea. Don't give up, expect opposition and attitude, and insist on respect and 'my house, my rules' as well as 'do to get'. [/QUOTE]
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