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Why so numb?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621333" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning BITS. I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. </p><p></p><p>I think if I were in your shoes I might have contacted my difficult child too........from my way of seeing things, the truth is always the best option and that's what you did. In your communication with your son, you told him all the important things, how much you love him, how you will always be there and you essentially removed him from the middle of this mess your Dad has created by removing yourself. Without you taking on the blame from your father, he will have to expend that energy somewhere else. It may take awhile, but your son may now, without you there as the recipient of your father's bullying, be able to really see who his grandfather is.</p><p></p><p>I think by you taking yourself out of this mess and telling your son of your love for him and then stepping out of the whole thing by detaching from all of them.............you give your son the opportunity to see the truth for himself.</p><p></p><p>I think I told you about how my granddaughter went to her other (very toxic) grandmothers for a year. I let go (reluctantly and with trepidation) because my granddaughter had a very slanted view of her other grandmother who fostered that view by wearing a mask of normalcy which hid a very messed up woman who used all her grandchildren as pawns in her power hungry game. After the honeymoon phase ended, the truth began to surface. Granddaughter had to see it for herself, I could not force her to see beyond the mask of normalcy. It was a very powerful realization for my granddaughter. Your son may wake up to the truth too. And, of course, he may not, which is where YOUR detachment comes in. That's where to put your focus now, on YOU.</p><p></p><p>Give yourself some time to heal from this split you just made with your father. As the dust settles, as you grieve for what is gone, as you let go of the illusion of hope that it will change........you will feel better, it's just a matter of time. And, we're here for you. Be very kind to yourself, do very nourishing things for yourself.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621333, member: 13542"] Good morning BITS. I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. I think if I were in your shoes I might have contacted my difficult child too........from my way of seeing things, the truth is always the best option and that's what you did. In your communication with your son, you told him all the important things, how much you love him, how you will always be there and you essentially removed him from the middle of this mess your Dad has created by removing yourself. Without you taking on the blame from your father, he will have to expend that energy somewhere else. It may take awhile, but your son may now, without you there as the recipient of your father's bullying, be able to really see who his grandfather is. I think by you taking yourself out of this mess and telling your son of your love for him and then stepping out of the whole thing by detaching from all of them.............you give your son the opportunity to see the truth for himself. I think I told you about how my granddaughter went to her other (very toxic) grandmothers for a year. I let go (reluctantly and with trepidation) because my granddaughter had a very slanted view of her other grandmother who fostered that view by wearing a mask of normalcy which hid a very messed up woman who used all her grandchildren as pawns in her power hungry game. After the honeymoon phase ended, the truth began to surface. Granddaughter had to see it for herself, I could not force her to see beyond the mask of normalcy. It was a very powerful realization for my granddaughter. Your son may wake up to the truth too. And, of course, he may not, which is where YOUR detachment comes in. That's where to put your focus now, on YOU. Give yourself some time to heal from this split you just made with your father. As the dust settles, as you grieve for what is gone, as you let go of the illusion of hope that it will change........you will feel better, it's just a matter of time. And, we're here for you. Be very kind to yourself, do very nourishing things for yourself......... [/QUOTE]
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