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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 458208" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>If something needs to be done, it doesn't get communicated as a question.</p><p>Not "can you", "would you", "will you".</p><p>Its... "The light-bulb is burned on in the back-entry."... "The van has developed some strange noise off the front right passenger corner." etc.</p><p>NOTE: These are already pre-agreed (for years) areas of HIS specialty. HE is tall, I am short - he changes light bulbs in ceiling fixtures (I do the lamps).</p><p>HE knows what to do about it. No negotiation necessary.</p><p></p><p>"Would you take us out for supper tonight?"... that's NOT pre-agreed. Point of negotiation. "Why" is an acceptable response. (Because I'm working on an emergency and won't be able to start supper before 6... so we eat out or eat at 7 - your pick.... or, because I don't have anything left in the house to cook - in which case he'll just ask for the grocery list and be back in 30 mins!).</p><p></p><p>If you don't want a question back, don't ask a question.</p><p></p><p>But this might not work on an Aspie. (Mine's just more likely Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).)</p><p></p><p>p.s. Agree about the "How to talk so your kids will listen..." book - another one that helped was "Men are from Mars": we really do come from whole different mindsets and points of reference.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 458208, member: 11791"] If something needs to be done, it doesn't get communicated as a question. Not "can you", "would you", "will you". Its... "The light-bulb is burned on in the back-entry."... "The van has developed some strange noise off the front right passenger corner." etc. NOTE: These are already pre-agreed (for years) areas of HIS specialty. HE is tall, I am short - he changes light bulbs in ceiling fixtures (I do the lamps). HE knows what to do about it. No negotiation necessary. "Would you take us out for supper tonight?"... that's NOT pre-agreed. Point of negotiation. "Why" is an acceptable response. (Because I'm working on an emergency and won't be able to start supper before 6... so we eat out or eat at 7 - your pick.... or, because I don't have anything left in the house to cook - in which case he'll just ask for the grocery list and be back in 30 mins!). If you don't want a question back, don't ask a question. But this might not work on an Aspie. (Mine's just more likely Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).) p.s. Agree about the "How to talk so your kids will listen..." book - another one that helped was "Men are from Mars": we really do come from whole different mindsets and points of reference. [/QUOTE]
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