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wife struggling with detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 177240" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">A little over a week now since we last heard from difficult child. wife is still remaining strong in not obsessing over where difficult child is and what she is doing.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">If past experience is any guide, we will not hear from difficult child for a couple more weeks or months. When we do it will be because of a major crisis- hospitalization or arrest. I've been thinking about what we should and should not be prepared to do. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Things we will do: </span></span> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Emergency intervention in a life-threatening situation. I'm thinking of a situation where she is in imminent danger and manages to call or get word to us -- say if a john, pimp, or boyfriend is threatening to beat or kill her and she manages to run or lock herself in a bathroom with a cell phone or something; or she has OD'd and someone finds or knows our number and calls; or she has been raped or beat up and she or someone else manages to call. Action might include calling police and/or EMS, or getting her and taking her to the ER myself if that would be more feasible. In my judgment any of the above type of situation is well within the range of possibility.</span></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Minimal assistance in getting help, if requested: use of a phone to contact crisis helpline or treatment center, a one-time ride for detox, intake interview or similar. Has to be on her initiative though.</span></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">If she shows up on our doorstep, I will offer one nutritious meal and a ride to the homeless shelter or if after hours, one night only at a cheap motel.</span></span></li> </ul><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Things we will NOT do:</span></span> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Let her stay in our house. We will not provide a respite from the lifestyle she's chosen so that she can recharge her batteries and head out again.</span></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Go her bail.</span></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Give her money.</span></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Give her a ride anywhere other than as noted above.</span></span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Provide access to a phone or make calls for her other than as noted above.</span></span></li> </ul><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">I would like to get y'all's input on whether to let her talk to easy child 1 on the phone, if she calls and asks to. It might be out of our hands, since easy child 1 loves to answer the phone. It feels wrong to forbid any contact at all but on the other hand it would be justified in light of difficult child's tendency to, consciously or unconsciously, stir up resentment in easy child 1 at how we are treating her "mommy", if you know what I mean (you all probably do know what I mean, but family and the general public generally do not and seem to take the view that we are very harsh and cruel).</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 177240, member: 3485"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]A little over a week now since we last heard from difficult child. wife is still remaining strong in not obsessing over where difficult child is and what she is doing. If past experience is any guide, we will not hear from difficult child for a couple more weeks or months. When we do it will be because of a major crisis- hospitalization or arrest. I've been thinking about what we should and should not be prepared to do. Things we will do: [/SIZE][/FONT][LIST] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Emergency intervention in a life-threatening situation. I'm thinking of a situation where she is in imminent danger and manages to call or get word to us -- say if a john, pimp, or boyfriend is threatening to beat or kill her and she manages to run or lock herself in a bathroom with a cell phone or something; or she has OD'd and someone finds or knows our number and calls; or she has been raped or beat up and she or someone else manages to call. Action might include calling police and/or EMS, or getting her and taking her to the ER myself if that would be more feasible. In my judgment any of the above type of situation is well within the range of possibility.[/SIZE][/FONT] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Minimal assistance in getting help, if requested: use of a phone to contact crisis helpline or treatment center, a one-time ride for detox, intake interview or similar. Has to be on her initiative though.[/SIZE][/FONT] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]If she shows up on our doorstep, I will offer one nutritious meal and a ride to the homeless shelter or if after hours, one night only at a cheap motel.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LIST][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Things we will NOT do:[/SIZE][/FONT][LIST] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Let her stay in our house. We will not provide a respite from the lifestyle she's chosen so that she can recharge her batteries and head out again.[/SIZE][/FONT] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Go her bail.[/SIZE][/FONT] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Give her money.[/SIZE][/FONT] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Give her a ride anywhere other than as noted above.[/SIZE][/FONT] [*][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Provide access to a phone or make calls for her other than as noted above.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LIST][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I would like to get y'all's input on whether to let her talk to easy child 1 on the phone, if she calls and asks to. It might be out of our hands, since easy child 1 loves to answer the phone. It feels wrong to forbid any contact at all but on the other hand it would be justified in light of difficult child's tendency to, consciously or unconsciously, stir up resentment in easy child 1 at how we are treating her "mommy", if you know what I mean (you all probably do know what I mean, but family and the general public generally do not and seem to take the view that we are very harsh and cruel).[/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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