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Substance Abuse
wondering if I'm overreacting when difficult child 2 slips up
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 287827" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It sounds like you are waking up to reality after a long sleep. Sometimes I think the therapists and spouses truly do brainwash us. I had SO MUCH pressure to accept difficult child for what he was and not push him to behave decently that if I had listened my difficult child would have been crippled for life. As it is, he has a fairly decent future if he can stick to the plan he made for himself.</p><p></p><p>Listen to your instincts. Get easy child's room clean, take out any stuff that is just clutter and garbage so she can keep it clean. then bring her home and tell her and husband that she must stay there. Go ahead and call DCF to bring her home if need be. Ex is not home and difficult child is smoking pot in comfort and style in his home, well, that is NOT where easy child needs to be.</p><p></p><p>No MORE RIDES. Not for difficult child. Not to take easy child to dad's, or to chauffer her around when seh is at her dads. If she is at his house, then HE has to give rides or pay for a taxi. Period. If she is old enough to take a city bus back to his home from yours, then she can take the bus anywhere else she needs to go. Why on EARTH does he have a german student living with him if he is never there and needs you to give the person rides? That is SOOO not your responsibility. Regardless of if you are employed or not. It is HIS job. Until you stop enabling him he won't change. If he yells and screams, well, not your problem. If he takes it out on the kids, well, a little responsibility for standing up to him will only strengthen the kids. </p><p></p><p>As it is, you are behaving in a co-dependent manner and enabling both ex and difficult child in their behaviors and teaching easy child to behave that way. You MUSt stand up, and insist that ex takes responsibility and easy child comes home. No other choice if you are a responsible parent. easy child likes it at dad's because she has no supervision. Is that safe? If she is capable of handling herself and raising herself, why would DCF get involved? And why would you give her rides? If she is able to raise herself with no adult supervision, then why would she NEED you to give rides, etc... Either she is a child who needs an adult around to raise her, or she is an adult and doesn't need supervision or help. She can't have it both ways, not in any healthy manner.</p><p></p><p>LISTEN to those instincts that tell you what easy child needs. And what difficult child needs. You have those instincts as a gift from God (or whoever you believe in) to ensure survival of the species. They are there for a reason. don't ignore them because to do so is easier. It may be easier on you now, but it will be much much harder on easy child in the long run. So don't fall into the trap that they have set for you. Don't listen to whining or gritching. Do what you know is right, what you believe is right.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 287827, member: 1233"] It sounds like you are waking up to reality after a long sleep. Sometimes I think the therapists and spouses truly do brainwash us. I had SO MUCH pressure to accept difficult child for what he was and not push him to behave decently that if I had listened my difficult child would have been crippled for life. As it is, he has a fairly decent future if he can stick to the plan he made for himself. Listen to your instincts. Get easy child's room clean, take out any stuff that is just clutter and garbage so she can keep it clean. then bring her home and tell her and husband that she must stay there. Go ahead and call DCF to bring her home if need be. Ex is not home and difficult child is smoking pot in comfort and style in his home, well, that is NOT where easy child needs to be. No MORE RIDES. Not for difficult child. Not to take easy child to dad's, or to chauffer her around when seh is at her dads. If she is at his house, then HE has to give rides or pay for a taxi. Period. If she is old enough to take a city bus back to his home from yours, then she can take the bus anywhere else she needs to go. Why on EARTH does he have a german student living with him if he is never there and needs you to give the person rides? That is SOOO not your responsibility. Regardless of if you are employed or not. It is HIS job. Until you stop enabling him he won't change. If he yells and screams, well, not your problem. If he takes it out on the kids, well, a little responsibility for standing up to him will only strengthen the kids. As it is, you are behaving in a co-dependent manner and enabling both ex and difficult child in their behaviors and teaching easy child to behave that way. You MUSt stand up, and insist that ex takes responsibility and easy child comes home. No other choice if you are a responsible parent. easy child likes it at dad's because she has no supervision. Is that safe? If she is capable of handling herself and raising herself, why would DCF get involved? And why would you give her rides? If she is able to raise herself with no adult supervision, then why would she NEED you to give rides, etc... Either she is a child who needs an adult around to raise her, or she is an adult and doesn't need supervision or help. She can't have it both ways, not in any healthy manner. LISTEN to those instincts that tell you what easy child needs. And what difficult child needs. You have those instincts as a gift from God (or whoever you believe in) to ensure survival of the species. They are there for a reason. don't ignore them because to do so is easier. It may be easier on you now, but it will be much much harder on easy child in the long run. So don't fall into the trap that they have set for you. Don't listen to whining or gritching. Do what you know is right, what you believe is right. [/QUOTE]
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