Jen...
You sound so wrapped up in the decisions your kids are making. Nothing they do is a reflection on you. You cant take credit when they do good things so you dont have to take the lumps when they make a bad choice. Its all on their shoulders. Thats the nice part of having adult kids. Yes we can be proud of them but we dont have to bear their burdens any longer.
Cory makes quite a few bad decisions but I dont feel anything he does is a reflection of me. I dont hang my head or hide because he is being a jerk. I may shake my head at some of his antics but he has to deal with them.
Jamie has done stuff that makes me proud but I cant own any of that either. It was his moments in sun. I was on the sideline just proud to know that I had raised him. It wasnt about me.
Once they grow up it becomes all about them. They move on and we take a backseat to their lives. We move on with our lives. They shouldnt be so intertwined.
If you are so depressed and upset about your kids decisions and life that you cannot deal with it, you need to step back and detach from the daily drama. They will handle things...or not. But its up to them now. Your job is done.