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Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673031" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>A tool for your healing then, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Isn't it an amazing thing, when we realize that what we see is affected in these ways? That is why I am forever posting that I don't know what I look like. Though, as has been mentioned before, I do seem to cut quite a swath in the over eighty crowd, who routinely fall at my feet and flirt with me shamelessly. To which D H responds: "Cardiac event, Cedar."</p><p></p><p>He really did say that once, you guys.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My kids and grands, and all the generations that will come after. And this may not make a difference Copa, but it is the one difference that I can make. Plus, I have never been a coward. Remember when I believed that was my only reality? Because I had not attacked the mother abusing those I was to protect? The little boy, what she did to his face. Those traumatic memories.</p><p></p><p>Roar.</p><p></p><p>But I was not a coward then, or I would not have gone to the source of the crying and the yelling.</p><p></p><p>But I did go there.</p><p></p><p>Just like I am doing now and so are you, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I know you think you went to bed in weakness. I don't think that.</p><p></p><p>You did it because you could, and you took your furious stand there, and you are coming through it, now.</p><p></p><p>And there is nothing easy or pleasant about it. And maybe, there are those who break, confronting these things.</p><p></p><p>And that is a risk we take, too. Every time we go too far, that is as real a risk as can be.</p><p></p><p>F you, Mom.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You will.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think this is true, Copa: We have always been scared. We did not let ourselves feel it because to live in conscious knowledge of it would have broken our sanity. We compartmentalized. Now, we are opening those locked away places.</p><p></p><p>And freeing the Child within.</p><p></p><p>That little girl that was you, Copa?</p><p></p><p>This intensity of fear is her only reality.</p><p></p><p>But here you are. Listen, just listen, and do your work. This is work, too. Everything we do, even laughter, can be sacred work. Because we are there. That is what the abuser stole: Presence in our own lives.</p><p></p><p>And they had no right, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Decency forbade it.</p><p></p><p>But they did it anyway.</p><p></p><p>To us.</p><p></p><p>Roar, right?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This could be true for you, Copa. For me, both the fear and the exhilaration are real. Remember my posting about the surfing video? It's like that. And the cold water, deep and black, just a little further out.</p><p></p><p>It is exhilarating, Copa. Both the fear, and the courage of excitement, which takes bravery. <em>If our abusers knew of this, Copa? They would move heaven and earth to stop it. To stop us.</em></p><p></p><p><em>In our tracks.</em></p><p></p><p>That is why I love to make noise, in my healing, and am always roaring and angry and riding loud motorcycles with rude things stitched in exquisitely worked needlepoint which I create while guzzling expensive Scotch.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>F you, Mom.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673031, member: 17461"] A tool for your healing then, Copa. Isn't it an amazing thing, when we realize that what we see is affected in these ways? That is why I am forever posting that I don't know what I look like. Though, as has been mentioned before, I do seem to cut quite a swath in the over eighty crowd, who routinely fall at my feet and flirt with me shamelessly. To which D H responds: "Cardiac event, Cedar." He really did say that once, you guys. :O) My kids and grands, and all the generations that will come after. And this may not make a difference Copa, but it is the one difference that I can make. Plus, I have never been a coward. Remember when I believed that was my only reality? Because I had not attacked the mother abusing those I was to protect? The little boy, what she did to his face. Those traumatic memories. Roar. But I was not a coward then, or I would not have gone to the source of the crying and the yelling. But I did go there. Just like I am doing now and so are you, Copa. I know you think you went to bed in weakness. I don't think that. You did it because you could, and you took your furious stand there, and you are coming through it, now. And there is nothing easy or pleasant about it. And maybe, there are those who break, confronting these things. And that is a risk we take, too. Every time we go too far, that is as real a risk as can be. F you, Mom. You will. :O) I think this is true, Copa: We have always been scared. We did not let ourselves feel it because to live in conscious knowledge of it would have broken our sanity. We compartmentalized. Now, we are opening those locked away places. And freeing the Child within. That little girl that was you, Copa? This intensity of fear is her only reality. But here you are. Listen, just listen, and do your work. This is work, too. Everything we do, even laughter, can be sacred work. Because we are there. That is what the abuser stole: Presence in our own lives. And they had no right, Copa. Decency forbade it. But they did it anyway. To us. Roar, right? This could be true for you, Copa. For me, both the fear and the exhilaration are real. Remember my posting about the surfing video? It's like that. And the cold water, deep and black, just a little further out. It is exhilarating, Copa. Both the fear, and the courage of excitement, which takes bravery. [I]If our abusers knew of this, Copa? They would move heaven and earth to stop it. To stop us.[/I] [I]In our tracks.[/I] That is why I love to make noise, in my healing, and am always roaring and angry and riding loud motorcycles with rude things stitched in exquisitely worked needlepoint which I create while guzzling expensive Scotch. :O) F you, Mom. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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