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Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 673078" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Nothing that would compensate me for what it cost me to go back, to fall in love with her. The price of the inheritance was her death. My mother's death. I want to give it away so she will come back. I need her so. Still.</p><p>It is if I am throwing it in my face: See. You wanted stuff. Here it is. What is it worth, your wanting, everything you wanted? Nothing. What you wanted, what you needed is gone. In an urn in your closet. Ashes. Nothing is worth what you lost, and wanted and needed. </p><p>An act of willful self-destruction? </p><p>I will never have my mother. I may instead have myself. I am not enough.</p><p>I could not have a mother. Who loved me in the way or cared for me in the way I needed. I could not bear to be with my mother for any sustained length of time. And now it is repeating itself with my son.</p><p>Cedar, I do not know what I have or do not have. I am sad now. I spoke with my son and it went badly. I posted on Serenity's FOO thread.</p><p>I just want to go back to bed. </p><p>So, maybe that is what I am doing with the stuff. Yes to anything. I will stop.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 673078, member: 18958"] Nothing that would compensate me for what it cost me to go back, to fall in love with her. The price of the inheritance was her death. My mother's death. I want to give it away so she will come back. I need her so. Still. It is if I am throwing it in my face: See. You wanted stuff. Here it is. What is it worth, your wanting, everything you wanted? Nothing. What you wanted, what you needed is gone. In an urn in your closet. Ashes. Nothing is worth what you lost, and wanted and needed. An act of willful self-destruction? I will never have my mother. I may instead have myself. I am not enough. I could not have a mother. Who loved me in the way or cared for me in the way I needed. I could not bear to be with my mother for any sustained length of time. And now it is repeating itself with my son. Cedar, I do not know what I have or do not have. I am sad now. I spoke with my son and it went badly. I posted on Serenity's FOO thread. I just want to go back to bed. So, maybe that is what I am doing with the stuff. Yes to anything. I will stop. COPA [/QUOTE]
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