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Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673272" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think we should call, Copa. They should call too, but when they don't, we should. I don't want my son to feel that I've forgotten him, or that I don't care. Our conversations suck really bad, and I feel worse sometimes afterwords, but it seems like the right thing to do.</p><p></p><p>I love him.</p><p></p><p>Daughter does call, and I love hearing that voice that is my voice.</p><p></p><p>Love in all its facets, maybe, Copa?</p><p></p><p>Who cares if it wasn't perfect.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Maybe the lesson in it for us is to stop interpreting reality from the end result. Your intentions in calling were loving and right and kind, Copa. What your son did with your intentions is less important than what you intended. If we knew this secret true thing, we would never be guilty again for our children's pain and confusion. </p><p></p><p>Or for anyone's reaction.</p><p></p><p>Another instance of external locus of control. The meaning of the event changed because someone else chose to define it and we believed them, and not ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I am all into internal versus external locus of control today. Especially in the way we allow someone else to determine what <em>we </em>intended. Then, we feel badly. But our intention was good, and we are fine people.</p><p></p><p>So you know how we learned to do that; and you know our abusers required it of us.</p><p></p><p>And you know how it has haunted our lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673272, member: 17461"] I think we should call, Copa. They should call too, but when they don't, we should. I don't want my son to feel that I've forgotten him, or that I don't care. Our conversations suck really bad, and I feel worse sometimes afterwords, but it seems like the right thing to do. I love him. Daughter does call, and I love hearing that voice that is my voice. Love in all its facets, maybe, Copa? Who cares if it wasn't perfect. Cedar Maybe the lesson in it for us is to stop interpreting reality from the end result. Your intentions in calling were loving and right and kind, Copa. What your son did with your intentions is less important than what you intended. If we knew this secret true thing, we would never be guilty again for our children's pain and confusion. Or for anyone's reaction. Another instance of external locus of control. The meaning of the event changed because someone else chose to define it and we believed them, and not ourselves. I am all into internal versus external locus of control today. Especially in the way we allow someone else to determine what [I]we [/I]intended. Then, we feel badly. But our intention was good, and we are fine people. So you know how we learned to do that; and you know our abusers required it of us. And you know how it has haunted our lives. [/QUOTE]
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Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
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