Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673603" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Thank you, Going.</p><p></p><p>It is impossible to strike a balance sometimes, between where we know we want to be, mentally and emotionally, and the day to day, hope to Hell reality of losing our dreams, their dreams for themselves, everything so terminally messed up with resentment and self accusation and loss and loss and loss.</p><p></p><p>And hope.</p><p></p><p><em>"...they will do anything not to be "sick"'</em></p><p></p><p>We saw that with our daughter this summer. She went into withdrawal, experiencing chills ~ like, bone chilling, shivering, tooth chattering and crying and it was so awful and we couldn't help her and she refused to go to Emergency because it would be drug seeking and would mess up her prescriptions and her own doctor would do nothing. And I do see that sense of apologetic self hatred, and the fear of the addiction, and of the control it has over them.</p><p></p><p>The fear of that.</p><p></p><p>But it is easy to forget, when I am bemoaning my inability to have a happy Thanksgiving. Really, that's what it comes down to. That feels so wrong of me, to have felt like that, now.</p><p></p><p>"<em>...even if they get clean</em>,<em> they won't be the son or daughter you knew before they became addicts. There's a whole realm of experience there that you can't comprehend and that experience has changed them."</em></p><p></p><p>I need to remember your words Going, and I needed to hear them, today. </p><p></p><p>I think they will help me be stronger, and not so self centered. That's where it begins, I think. Like a spoiled person without character, I want what I want...well, that's not exactly true, either. Because if I had what I wanted, they would be fine.</p><p></p><p>We all would be fine.</p><p></p><p>So it isn't just about Thanksgiving, then. It's about all of it.</p><p></p><p>Good. I feel less like a cheapskate or characterless person. </p><p></p><p>Whew.</p><p></p><p>That was a close one.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Well, I don't know what those words are going to do, but I know they fit into all this like a lock and a key.</p><p></p><p>One aspect is that we are taking these words and behaviors personally when it is the addiction or its effects we are dealing with. It isn't our parenting and it isn't that our kids have no character and it isn't anything we have control over at all, not even the tiniest bit.</p><p></p><p>And it isn't that they don't love us.</p><p></p><p>That fits in here somewhere, right in that place where I get stuck sometimes ~ especially over the holidays, when it can be very hard to keep myself balanced.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much, Going.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Especially about the part about it not being that the kids have no character, or that I don't. Which is pretty much what you did say, but it took me a little while to get there, too.</p><p></p><p><em>"Try to remember that your addicted son or daughter is still a person...."</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673603, member: 17461"] Thank you, Going. It is impossible to strike a balance sometimes, between where we know we want to be, mentally and emotionally, and the day to day, hope to Hell reality of losing our dreams, their dreams for themselves, everything so terminally messed up with resentment and self accusation and loss and loss and loss. And hope. [I]"...they will do anything not to be "sick"'[/I] We saw that with our daughter this summer. She went into withdrawal, experiencing chills ~ like, bone chilling, shivering, tooth chattering and crying and it was so awful and we couldn't help her and she refused to go to Emergency because it would be drug seeking and would mess up her prescriptions and her own doctor would do nothing. And I do see that sense of apologetic self hatred, and the fear of the addiction, and of the control it has over them. The fear of that. But it is easy to forget, when I am bemoaning my inability to have a happy Thanksgiving. Really, that's what it comes down to. That feels so wrong of me, to have felt like that, now. "[I]...even if they get clean[/I],[I] they won't be the son or daughter you knew before they became addicts. There's a whole realm of experience there that you can't comprehend and that experience has changed them."[/I] I need to remember your words Going, and I needed to hear them, today. I think they will help me be stronger, and not so self centered. That's where it begins, I think. Like a spoiled person without character, I want what I want...well, that's not exactly true, either. Because if I had what I wanted, they would be fine. We all would be fine. So it isn't just about Thanksgiving, then. It's about all of it. Good. I feel less like a cheapskate or characterless person. Whew. That was a close one. *** Well, I don't know what those words are going to do, but I know they fit into all this like a lock and a key. One aspect is that we are taking these words and behaviors personally when it is the addiction or its effects we are dealing with. It isn't our parenting and it isn't that our kids have no character and it isn't anything we have control over at all, not even the tiniest bit. And it isn't that they don't love us. That fits in here somewhere, right in that place where I get stuck sometimes ~ especially over the holidays, when it can be very hard to keep myself balanced. Thank you very much, Going. Cedar Especially about the part about it not being that the kids have no character, or that I don't. Which is pretty much what you did say, but it took me a little while to get there, too. [I]"Try to remember that your addicted son or daughter is still a person...."[/I] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Work and Germany; Benedictines and Buddhists: Attitude
Top