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Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673772" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So, in the lexicon of blessing, of Beauty for Ashes, that these events have occurred could be seen as bringing the initial abandonment into consciousness to be healed, to be cleared.</p><p></p><p>This is what it felt like to be us. When we were little kids too, the dynamic of abandonment was exactly the same.</p><p></p><p>BOOM one day Mother was gone, or (for me, in my particular case only perhaps) whatever it was that we needed and depended on was gone, over and over and over again<em> because that is the nature of the game, for my mother, to this day</em>. To break the spirit; to create the sycophant. "Just don't think; don't you dare; who do you think you are." No one should even be asking those questions or making those statements. I cannot think of a single instance in which those comments would be considered appropriate, let alone intelligent.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something, the way everything that felt so virulently real falls apart when you finally get to the heart of the thing and it's nothing.</p><p></p><p>Those are huge wounds our families are trying to get over. No wonder everything is so messed up.</p><p></p><p>Only back then, we did not even have words to limit or define or even, to recognize ourselves as separate from the emotion: abandoned.</p><p></p><p>That is what I meant by the possibility of a sort of blessing to be found in the conscious reliving of abandonment issues through what is happening with our children. The illnesses or addictions of those we love does turn them impersonal. That is what I read in Going North's posts and to me, that is the nature of the initial wounding for us. (For me, for sure).</p><p></p><p>The impersonal nature of what happens.</p><p></p><p>That is why I post about there being no one there in my mother's eyes, or about there being that thickened, chuckling grandiosity feeling to it.</p><p></p><p>Pretty scary stuff.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673772, member: 17461"] So, in the lexicon of blessing, of Beauty for Ashes, that these events have occurred could be seen as bringing the initial abandonment into consciousness to be healed, to be cleared. This is what it felt like to be us. When we were little kids too, the dynamic of abandonment was exactly the same. BOOM one day Mother was gone, or (for me, in my particular case only perhaps) whatever it was that we needed and depended on was gone, over and over and over again[I] because that is the nature of the game, for my mother, to this day[/I]. To break the spirit; to create the sycophant. "Just don't think; don't you dare; who do you think you are." No one should even be asking those questions or making those statements. I cannot think of a single instance in which those comments would be considered appropriate, let alone intelligent. Isn't that something, the way everything that felt so virulently real falls apart when you finally get to the heart of the thing and it's nothing. Those are huge wounds our families are trying to get over. No wonder everything is so messed up. Only back then, we did not even have words to limit or define or even, to recognize ourselves as separate from the emotion: abandoned. That is what I meant by the possibility of a sort of blessing to be found in the conscious reliving of abandonment issues through what is happening with our children. The illnesses or addictions of those we love does turn them impersonal. That is what I read in Going North's posts and to me, that is the nature of the initial wounding for us. (For me, for sure). The impersonal nature of what happens. That is why I post about there being no one there in my mother's eyes, or about there being that thickened, chuckling grandiosity feeling to it. Pretty scary stuff. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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