Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673995" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I wonder whether we can learn to values clarify regarding our memories, Leafy. I mean, I wonder whether we can learn to tease out the parts that are toxic to us and change the feeling tone regarding the way we believe ourselves to be. </p><p></p><p>I believe that we can.</p><p></p><p>To change it from resentment (or trauma, as Serenity's posting this morning would indicate) to some generous something that just is what it is. We can learn alot from fairy tales and myth and legend. We can learn concepts like "Hero's Journey", ponder over the goodness of mistreated heroines like Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and Maleficent.</p><p></p><p>They were inherently good.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps there is a truth there, for us.</p><p></p><p>Or to turning our role from abused to heroic; to somehow see our stories as brilliantly noble instead of as the shaming, hurtful things they are when we are seeing ourselves through the eyes of our abusers. It would be something like I did in finding outside witnesses who could know, without equivocation or forgiveness or any of the things I see when I see myself being hurt by the patterns in my abusive FOO. I did that, in coming through and reinterpreting the worst memories. It was before you joined us, Leafy. My witnesses were Maya and the black lady from Matrix and Lisa Vanderpump.</p><p></p><p>Carl Jung is an important figure in my imagining, too. He kept an effigy of himself safely tucked away from the world for all of his life. At the end of his life, he carved his stories into rock. </p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>And the witnesses worked, because though I could not see the wrongness in what my mother was doing, between the three of them, there was no doubt that my mother had been wrong, and was not respectable, in their eyes. The grandiosity and certainty and contempt I remembered seeing in my mother's eyes and had learned to see, when I saw myself, evaporated, in the responses of those three witnesses.</p><p></p><p>I had not been able to come on top of the memories without further witness. I was revisiting the memories and retraumatizing myself.</p><p></p><p>They are still there, laughing like Maya and smoking cigarettes and baking cookies like the lady in Matrix, and saying, like Lisa, with such certainty: "Unacceptable."</p><p></p><p>Now I forgot where I was going with this.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673995, member: 17461"] I wonder whether we can learn to values clarify regarding our memories, Leafy. I mean, I wonder whether we can learn to tease out the parts that are toxic to us and change the feeling tone regarding the way we believe ourselves to be. I believe that we can. To change it from resentment (or trauma, as Serenity's posting this morning would indicate) to some generous something that just is what it is. We can learn alot from fairy tales and myth and legend. We can learn concepts like "Hero's Journey", ponder over the goodness of mistreated heroines like Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and Maleficent. They were inherently good. Perhaps there is a truth there, for us. Or to turning our role from abused to heroic; to somehow see our stories as brilliantly noble instead of as the shaming, hurtful things they are when we are seeing ourselves through the eyes of our abusers. It would be something like I did in finding outside witnesses who could know, without equivocation or forgiveness or any of the things I see when I see myself being hurt by the patterns in my abusive FOO. I did that, in coming through and reinterpreting the worst memories. It was before you joined us, Leafy. My witnesses were Maya and the black lady from Matrix and Lisa Vanderpump. Carl Jung is an important figure in my imagining, too. He kept an effigy of himself safely tucked away from the world for all of his life. At the end of his life, he carved his stories into rock. *** And the witnesses worked, because though I could not see the wrongness in what my mother was doing, between the three of them, there was no doubt that my mother had been wrong, and was not respectable, in their eyes. The grandiosity and certainty and contempt I remembered seeing in my mother's eyes and had learned to see, when I saw myself, evaporated, in the responses of those three witnesses. I had not been able to come on top of the memories without further witness. I was revisiting the memories and retraumatizing myself. They are still there, laughing like Maya and smoking cigarettes and baking cookies like the lady in Matrix, and saying, like Lisa, with such certainty: "Unacceptable." Now I forgot where I was going with this. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
Top