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Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 674027" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I don't know if I can say I have dealt with it Copa. We haven't spoken since. That was August 31, and I have not tried to contact her. I feel the ball is in her court.</p><p>I am tired of the disrespect. She has born ill will to me, as her mother. She grew up with many opportunities, but it was never enough. She traveled, like your son, at 14. She went through some terrible teen decision making. Pregnant at 15. We stood by her and helped her. It was never enough in her eyes.</p><p>I am stubbornly waiting for an apology. It may never come. I may change my mind later on. For now, the ball is in her court. I cannot make her respect me, any more than I could make her stop the path she is on. Maybe I am cruel with my stubbornness. I don't know Copa, but I am giving it time. I am on my timeline.</p><p>Your son is crossing your boundaries and disrespecting your wishes. It is easy enough to understand that people will be offended by certain topics and refrain oneself. When my father was alive, I did not force myself on his wishes to have quiet company. It hurt me, but my respect for him was bigger than my feelings. I live with it now, but understand he was in a world of his own, dealing with his illness and his impending demise. His life on earth was short. With my mom being ill, I have to guard my words with her, she is in another place. I do not bring up subjects that upset her. If I do, and she grows quiet, I change the subject, or know the next time we speak, I have to be gentle with my words and hold lighter conversations.</p><p>I do not think you are wrong in protecting yourself. It is about your boundaries, a matter of a son respecting his mothers wishes and sensitivities. I am sure you have been more than honest about this Copa. As an adult child he is still responsible to honor his mother. That is what I think.</p><p>I am off to sons canoe practice. I will be back later.</p><p></p><p>I hope my words did not offend you. It is more difficult for you I think because he is your only child. But, he is still under the rule of respect, as all of us are.</p><p>You are the captain of your ship. You are the one who determines how you are approached. It is not unreasonable, or "controlling" to expect the respect and good treatment you deserve.</p><p></p><p>TTL</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 674027, member: 19522"] I don't know if I can say I have dealt with it Copa. We haven't spoken since. That was August 31, and I have not tried to contact her. I feel the ball is in her court. I am tired of the disrespect. She has born ill will to me, as her mother. She grew up with many opportunities, but it was never enough. She traveled, like your son, at 14. She went through some terrible teen decision making. Pregnant at 15. We stood by her and helped her. It was never enough in her eyes. I am stubbornly waiting for an apology. It may never come. I may change my mind later on. For now, the ball is in her court. I cannot make her respect me, any more than I could make her stop the path she is on. Maybe I am cruel with my stubbornness. I don't know Copa, but I am giving it time. I am on my timeline. Your son is crossing your boundaries and disrespecting your wishes. It is easy enough to understand that people will be offended by certain topics and refrain oneself. When my father was alive, I did not force myself on his wishes to have quiet company. It hurt me, but my respect for him was bigger than my feelings. I live with it now, but understand he was in a world of his own, dealing with his illness and his impending demise. His life on earth was short. With my mom being ill, I have to guard my words with her, she is in another place. I do not bring up subjects that upset her. If I do, and she grows quiet, I change the subject, or know the next time we speak, I have to be gentle with my words and hold lighter conversations. I do not think you are wrong in protecting yourself. It is about your boundaries, a matter of a son respecting his mothers wishes and sensitivities. I am sure you have been more than honest about this Copa. As an adult child he is still responsible to honor his mother. That is what I think. I am off to sons canoe practice. I will be back later. I hope my words did not offend you. It is more difficult for you I think because he is your only child. But, he is still under the rule of respect, as all of us are. You are the captain of your ship. You are the one who determines how you are approached. It is not unreasonable, or "controlling" to expect the respect and good treatment you deserve. TTL Leafy [/QUOTE]
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