Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Worn out Guardian of teenage boy - need help/support
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 734083" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hi again Butterfly,</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the clarification on your custody situation. </p><p></p><p>It's so hard to say what might be going on with the younger boy. What does seem clear is that he cannot or will not follow the simplest rules of your household. And now you and husband have a decision to make. Will you allow him to carry on doing as he pleases? Or will you insist that the rules of your home be respected?</p><p></p><p>I understand he doesn't care, won't do as you ask/say, etc. In that case, it may be time for the court to find him a group home, therapeutic foster home or perhaps residential treatment center where he can be monitored and controlled 24/7.</p><p></p><p>Are you and husband on the same page? Not to sound heartless, but are you 1000% sure you are willing to proceed with permanently adopting both of these children, particularly since they are both teenagers and soon to be legal adults anyway?</p><p></p><p>If you legally adopt the younger child you and husband may be financially or even criminally liable for his behavior. This is really something to consider with eyes wide open. We have a very wise member who recently retired from the board, who was burned VERY badly by a troubled adopted son. Molestation of much younger children in the household and intentional murder of pets were involved in that situation.</p><p></p><p>Not all children can be fixed or saved. Some are too ill or too disturbed to live safely in a family. For these children, there are options a court can consider that are in his best interest as mentioned above, such as group homes.</p><p></p><p>The fact that you are very close in age to him may be a factor in his disrespect. He may view you more as a peer. Then again maybe not. Obviously he is emotionally very attached to his wayward father and his allegiance is to him. And I can almost guarantee you that this will ALWAYS be the case, especially if father is working behind your back to turn him against you and ignore your wishes. </p><p></p><p>If you choose to proceed and make his adoption permanent, then the same behavior will probably continue. From what you say, therapy has not helped and he seems determined not to comply with your expectations. From where I sit, it is time for this child to be placed somewhere else by the courts.</p><p></p><p>If this was my situation I would contact my CPS caseworker, lay all the facts out, and ask for assistance finding him a new placement. As his guardians you may need to pay child support to the state for his upkeep.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 734083, member: 13303"] Hi again Butterfly, Thanks for the clarification on your custody situation. It's so hard to say what might be going on with the younger boy. What does seem clear is that he cannot or will not follow the simplest rules of your household. And now you and husband have a decision to make. Will you allow him to carry on doing as he pleases? Or will you insist that the rules of your home be respected? I understand he doesn't care, won't do as you ask/say, etc. In that case, it may be time for the court to find him a group home, therapeutic foster home or perhaps residential treatment center where he can be monitored and controlled 24/7. Are you and husband on the same page? Not to sound heartless, but are you 1000% sure you are willing to proceed with permanently adopting both of these children, particularly since they are both teenagers and soon to be legal adults anyway? If you legally adopt the younger child you and husband may be financially or even criminally liable for his behavior. This is really something to consider with eyes wide open. We have a very wise member who recently retired from the board, who was burned VERY badly by a troubled adopted son. Molestation of much younger children in the household and intentional murder of pets were involved in that situation. Not all children can be fixed or saved. Some are too ill or too disturbed to live safely in a family. For these children, there are options a court can consider that are in his best interest as mentioned above, such as group homes. The fact that you are very close in age to him may be a factor in his disrespect. He may view you more as a peer. Then again maybe not. Obviously he is emotionally very attached to his wayward father and his allegiance is to him. And I can almost guarantee you that this will ALWAYS be the case, especially if father is working behind your back to turn him against you and ignore your wishes. If you choose to proceed and make his adoption permanent, then the same behavior will probably continue. From what you say, therapy has not helped and he seems determined not to comply with your expectations. From where I sit, it is time for this child to be placed somewhere else by the courts. If this was my situation I would contact my CPS caseworker, lay all the facts out, and ask for assistance finding him a new placement. As his guardians you may need to pay child support to the state for his upkeep. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Worn out Guardian of teenage boy - need help/support
Top