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Would This Be too Devious?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 391922" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I don't think whatever you do if you do take the grands in to stay, would be devious. I would have given an arm, a leg, my first born even, to have had someone in my family do something to take my brother and I in. My mother was incapable of child raising and she never "learned". We paid the price for her life choices. Foster care was the end result for my brother and I, a round robin of cycled foster placements with brief periods where my mother was given a "chance" over and over. </p><p></p><p>I don't hold it against any family members for NOT taking my brother and I in to their homes, there is a lot of consideration into things like this and it can't be an easy decision. I know they loved us, it wasn't a lack of love that prevented them from stepping in. HOWEVER, had any of them been able to/in a position to take us in, I can only wonder why our lives might have been like.</p><p></p><p>So, if it is in you and husband's hearts and in your capabilities, those kids can only benefit. I'm not at all "for" taking kids from the custody of their bio parents. BUT when parents choices harm their kids, its always going to be in the best interests of the kids to be loved in a home by others with stability than to be harmed over and over. And emotional harm, psychological damage from moving around, shelters, different schools, no money, no food, no independence, etc is often more scarring than even physical harm. </p><p></p><p>If you decide that this is the right step for you and husband to take, perhaps first give the option to difficult child and her s/o to do right and sign voluntarily and to make terms with you that YOU can live with in terms of their visiting, what must happen for kids to go back to them etc. And if they can't/won't agree, I'd not hesitate to call CPS. It isn't about punishing difficult child and s/o about their poor choices if you are forced to contact CPS to have the grands placed in your care. It would be about protecting the children from the poor choices of the 2 adults who continously put their own selfish wants and needs before the crucial foundations required for raising healthy balanced secure feeling children. </p><p></p><p>I just want to say I admire you for even considering taking the grands in. I know it isn't an easy decision to make, and I admire you regardless of how you end up handling this. If they come to you I can see things improving for the kids. But something tells me with gramma on the scene, even if they don't come live with you, you will make good decisions to influence what does go on with them to hopefully minimize the impact their parents choices have on them.</p><p></p><p>You're a great mother and a great grandmother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 391922, member: 4264"] I don't think whatever you do if you do take the grands in to stay, would be devious. I would have given an arm, a leg, my first born even, to have had someone in my family do something to take my brother and I in. My mother was incapable of child raising and she never "learned". We paid the price for her life choices. Foster care was the end result for my brother and I, a round robin of cycled foster placements with brief periods where my mother was given a "chance" over and over. I don't hold it against any family members for NOT taking my brother and I in to their homes, there is a lot of consideration into things like this and it can't be an easy decision. I know they loved us, it wasn't a lack of love that prevented them from stepping in. HOWEVER, had any of them been able to/in a position to take us in, I can only wonder why our lives might have been like. So, if it is in you and husband's hearts and in your capabilities, those kids can only benefit. I'm not at all "for" taking kids from the custody of their bio parents. BUT when parents choices harm their kids, its always going to be in the best interests of the kids to be loved in a home by others with stability than to be harmed over and over. And emotional harm, psychological damage from moving around, shelters, different schools, no money, no food, no independence, etc is often more scarring than even physical harm. If you decide that this is the right step for you and husband to take, perhaps first give the option to difficult child and her s/o to do right and sign voluntarily and to make terms with you that YOU can live with in terms of their visiting, what must happen for kids to go back to them etc. And if they can't/won't agree, I'd not hesitate to call CPS. It isn't about punishing difficult child and s/o about their poor choices if you are forced to contact CPS to have the grands placed in your care. It would be about protecting the children from the poor choices of the 2 adults who continously put their own selfish wants and needs before the crucial foundations required for raising healthy balanced secure feeling children. I just want to say I admire you for even considering taking the grands in. I know it isn't an easy decision to make, and I admire you regardless of how you end up handling this. If they come to you I can see things improving for the kids. But something tells me with gramma on the scene, even if they don't come live with you, you will make good decisions to influence what does go on with them to hopefully minimize the impact their parents choices have on them. You're a great mother and a great grandmother. [/QUOTE]
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