RM, yes, my father IS a very wise man--actually developed and taught a highly successful program at our local high school (his "retirement" job...) whereby he offered at-risk kids an individual study plan to help them stay in school as opposed to dropping out or being kicked out. Unfortunately, when he retired (for the second time...)the program fizzled and died without his active participation.
Well, back to the point--as you pointed out, and I want to emphasize, EVERY thing we said and did was out of the most pure and sincere love for our child as I'm certain is the case for Mikey and all of us on these boards.
Sadly, it just wasn't enough. Who knows if it was because of our parenting style or our son's personality or a combination of both. Doesn't much matter.
What I DO know, without a doubt, is that all the reasoning and negotiation in the world between ourselves and our son didn't help our family avoid the inevitable trainwreck which was quickly approaching (although it made US feel a bit more in "control") but only served to give our son what he interpreted as a flimsy picket fence which he quickly found the wiggle room to squeeze through time and time again rather than the solid steel wall he really needed at the time...