I am so very sorry that you are having to ride this ugly ride. I wish there was a better way to help her. Sadly, right now you need to focus more on yourself. I understand completely that you would not tolerate this from anyone on the planet except your child.
They do have people who will handle her shopping, be in charge of her money etc.... It really doesn't have to be you. In some ways, having someone else in charge of her money might help as you would not have control over that for her. What social services do not tell you is that if they can pressure you into doing things for her, then they don't have to do them. I have had many social workers swear to me that they cannot just take a child because they don't have enough places and for so many other reasons. If they can pressure you to do something, they don't have to worry about it. If you refuse to do it, then they have to. So let your daughter or her social worker(s) and team do the daily stuff you do for her. Step back and let her deal with the way they want to do it.
Then maybe slowly work on your relationship with her. Start with very short, casual meetings. A cup of coffee, or a short walk or something. Some way to be together that doesn't need to you control things for her and doesn't involve a lot of money or anything else. Just work to step out of the caretaker role and to let her be the adult she is. She has a safety net to catch her when she messes up. You can be there for if and when they fail. I do know how hard it is to step back, especially when they tell you that it is "the family's job" to do this or that. Lots of people don't have families and social services has to provide what they need or help them figure it out.
