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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658656" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is true. For both daughter and son, these are the things they say when they are taking responsibility for themselves.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Under everything, this is his truth; this is a true thing, and it may be one of the true things that will save him. Somewhere in the mess addiction makes of our thinking, that true thing is in there. But that doesn't mean you get to enable.</p><p></p><p>Whatever he says or does next and until he is strong and healthy again, you do not get to enable. It helped me to look at it just that way. I do not get to enable. That phrase was simple enough for me to rapidly compare what was being said or threatened or offered with what I had learned about how to do this.</p><p></p><p>I do not get to enable.</p><p></p><p>I watch for that.</p><p></p><p>I do not get to enable.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are thinking so well. Wise, and wary and open. I read something SWOT posted for us. The difference between healthy and dysfunctional relationship has to do with rigidity and fluidity. So in a way, the health of our relationships, however traumatic they might be, has to do with how we think about them, and about ourselves in them.</p><p></p><p>I like how you two are thinking.</p><p></p><p>Wise, and wary, and flexible. Not like you have all the answers, and not like you already know how to take care of yourselves and who cares about him.</p><p></p><p>Just wise (twice burnt and a million times more, right?) and wary.</p><p></p><p>But open.</p><p></p><p>Good job, Seeking and D H.</p><p></p><p>Very nicely done.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Echo, you are so sweet and funny. I love this. I am big on denial, too. I am going to stop beating myself up about that and just admit it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is exactly the right thing for us to know and remember every day, about everything. This could be a perfect response to FOG.</p><p></p><p>This applies to my Family of Origin issues. Like a healing balm, Echo.</p><p></p><p>Good one.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, this is good too, COM.</p><p></p><p>That is just how it is. But you are right. It is our own adrenaline that creates our urgency.</p><p></p><p>Knowing that can help us be stronger, can help us stand up and get our bearings.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, this is true, too.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to stay steady state because we do leap into projecting and hoping and catastrophizing and it is a very hard thing not to define our situations into something they are not by doing that.</p><p></p><p>Projecting. I will remember that word.</p><p></p><p>Good one, COM.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Like a ripening, COM.</p><p></p><p>I like that concept, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. A paradox. To be aware that is the nature of our situation and not to be guilty about that. This is a good way of understanding "It is what it is", Albatross. A much kinder to ourselves way of seeing.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a good way to see waiting and to see being wise and being wary. I am going to employ this imagery regarding all family conflict.</p><p></p><p>Love from a distance.</p><p></p><p>I like that very much.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Time, and consistent change. If we can think in that way, we can be comfortable where we are, comfortable with things just as they are.</p><p></p><p>Very helpful to me, this morning.</p><p></p><p>Seeking? You are going to have to post in more often.</p><p></p><p>That was a humor.</p><p></p><p>The implication being that your posting in is resolving my issues.</p><p></p><p>Which it is.</p><p></p><p>Life can be funny like that, sometimes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We forget these things, don't we, when we are in crisis.</p><p></p><p>Even the white candle. I forgot my own white candle idea.</p><p></p><p>Echo? Wait til I tell husband we need to have sex in the interest of a final resolution to my family of origin issues. </p><p></p><p>He will be so surprised.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We are. But we forget, or I do forget, that warriors stand alone in the night sometimes too, and don't think they might win after all. But a true warrior still does the best, right thing he can know of, to win. Even in the darkest hour before dawn, he does that. Even when he doesn't know how to do it anymore, he does that.</p><p></p><p>That is what makes a warrior a hero. That he was that alone, and that tired, and he fought the good fight and somehow, believed that, win or lose, his actions matter.</p><p></p><p>Even when he looks like a fool to everyone else, he still does the right thing as he believes it to be.</p><p></p><p>Like we do.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658656, member: 17461"] This is true. For both daughter and son, these are the things they say when they are taking responsibility for themselves. Under everything, this is his truth; this is a true thing, and it may be one of the true things that will save him. Somewhere in the mess addiction makes of our thinking, that true thing is in there. But that doesn't mean you get to enable. Whatever he says or does next and until he is strong and healthy again, you do not get to enable. It helped me to look at it just that way. I do not get to enable. That phrase was simple enough for me to rapidly compare what was being said or threatened or offered with what I had learned about how to do this. I do not get to enable. I watch for that. I do not get to enable. You are thinking so well. Wise, and wary and open. I read something SWOT posted for us. The difference between healthy and dysfunctional relationship has to do with rigidity and fluidity. So in a way, the health of our relationships, however traumatic they might be, has to do with how we think about them, and about ourselves in them. I like how you two are thinking. Wise, and wary, and flexible. Not like you have all the answers, and not like you already know how to take care of yourselves and who cares about him. Just wise (twice burnt and a million times more, right?) and wary. But open. Good job, Seeking and D H. Very nicely done. Echo, you are so sweet and funny. I love this. I am big on denial, too. I am going to stop beating myself up about that and just admit it. This is exactly the right thing for us to know and remember every day, about everything. This could be a perfect response to FOG. This applies to my Family of Origin issues. Like a healing balm, Echo. Good one. Oh, this is good too, COM. That is just how it is. But you are right. It is our own adrenaline that creates our urgency. Knowing that can help us be stronger, can help us stand up and get our bearings. Yes, this is true, too. It is hard to stay steady state because we do leap into projecting and hoping and catastrophizing and it is a very hard thing not to define our situations into something they are not by doing that. Projecting. I will remember that word. Good one, COM. Like a ripening, COM. I like that concept, too. Yes. A paradox. To be aware that is the nature of our situation and not to be guilty about that. This is a good way of understanding "It is what it is", Albatross. A much kinder to ourselves way of seeing. Thank you. This is a good way to see waiting and to see being wise and being wary. I am going to employ this imagery regarding all family conflict. Love from a distance. I like that very much. Time, and consistent change. If we can think in that way, we can be comfortable where we are, comfortable with things just as they are. Very helpful to me, this morning. Seeking? You are going to have to post in more often. That was a humor. The implication being that your posting in is resolving my issues. Which it is. Life can be funny like that, sometimes. We forget these things, don't we, when we are in crisis. Even the white candle. I forgot my own white candle idea. Echo? Wait til I tell husband we need to have sex in the interest of a final resolution to my family of origin issues. He will be so surprised. We are. But we forget, or I do forget, that warriors stand alone in the night sometimes too, and don't think they might win after all. But a true warrior still does the best, right thing he can know of, to win. Even in the darkest hour before dawn, he does that. Even when he doesn't know how to do it anymore, he does that. That is what makes a warrior a hero. That he was that alone, and that tired, and he fought the good fight and somehow, believed that, win or lose, his actions matter. Even when he looks like a fool to everyone else, he still does the right thing as he believes it to be. Like we do. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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