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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 658665" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Ah SS, these simple texts that you are sharing with him. Take them at face value. Keep your side of the street clean. Proceed slowly and cautiously. Don't over-project. </p><p></p><p>When it all boils down to it, it is love that we share with our adult children---at least for sure love on our side, and I believe, for most, love on their side too, even when they aren't showing love. </p><p></p><p>We are the ones they can strike out the most at. Isn't that such bitter irony?</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking about the shock value of all of this. Our being "ready" for anything. </p><p></p><p>Right now my older son isn't speaking to me, due to a disagreement(s) about his wedding. I wasn't and haven't been ready for how he and his fiancee have handled their wedding. I wasn't prepared at all. His generation sees a wedding so differently than mine did. I come at it from that perspective. They come at it from their own current perspective. I have worked so hard to keep my side of the street clean with this very big elephant in the room, but I have failed at least three times. I have apologized each time. He hasn't and now he isn't speaking to me. And I have relaxed into that. He is my easy child (perfect child) and so all of this stuff blind-sided me. I won't bore you with all of the bizarre details (and yes, bizarre isn't too strong a word) but my good friends, the ones who will tell me how off base I am about things, have called the whole thing asinine and ridiculous and beyond the usual wedding problems that mothers-in-law of the groom often report. </p><p></p><p>Wouldn't you think that with all I have been through with Difficult Child, I would be ready for virtually ANYTHING? That my expectations would be reduced to absolutely zero. About all things and all people. I guess it doesn't work that way.</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking about the task right now, for me. To completely let go of yet another thing, my son, his fiancee and this wedding. But to do it with grace, love and dignity. To realize (to learn) what is my business and what is not my business. To always ask: Will this really matter in 10 years? </p><p></p><p>I don't want to have a hard heart. Through all of these past 10 years, with my divorce and my son's situation, I have held on to that wish. I want to have good, healthy boundaries, not a hard heart or a cynical heart. </p><p></p><p>right now, instead of resisting my son's not speaking to me, or pushing against that, I have been able to relax into it. I need this time to get my head and heart straight, after the decisions they have made and the words we exchanged. I need to get clear about my business and his business. I have reached out to good friends who have gently guided me here, and my husband has as well. I am much better about this, more quickly, even though it still hurts and I don't understand. I don't have to understand. I just have to accept.</p><p></p><p>Wow, who ever thought life and relationships would be so hard? Especially those we love so much.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs to all today. Your words, all of you, help me grow every time. Writing here helps me grow, every time. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 658665, member: 17542"] Ah SS, these simple texts that you are sharing with him. Take them at face value. Keep your side of the street clean. Proceed slowly and cautiously. Don't over-project. When it all boils down to it, it is love that we share with our adult children---at least for sure love on our side, and I believe, for most, love on their side too, even when they aren't showing love. We are the ones they can strike out the most at. Isn't that such bitter irony? I have been thinking about the shock value of all of this. Our being "ready" for anything. Right now my older son isn't speaking to me, due to a disagreement(s) about his wedding. I wasn't and haven't been ready for how he and his fiancee have handled their wedding. I wasn't prepared at all. His generation sees a wedding so differently than mine did. I come at it from that perspective. They come at it from their own current perspective. I have worked so hard to keep my side of the street clean with this very big elephant in the room, but I have failed at least three times. I have apologized each time. He hasn't and now he isn't speaking to me. And I have relaxed into that. He is my easy child (perfect child) and so all of this stuff blind-sided me. I won't bore you with all of the bizarre details (and yes, bizarre isn't too strong a word) but my good friends, the ones who will tell me how off base I am about things, have called the whole thing asinine and ridiculous and beyond the usual wedding problems that mothers-in-law of the groom often report. Wouldn't you think that with all I have been through with Difficult Child, I would be ready for virtually ANYTHING? That my expectations would be reduced to absolutely zero. About all things and all people. I guess it doesn't work that way. I have been thinking about the task right now, for me. To completely let go of yet another thing, my son, his fiancee and this wedding. But to do it with grace, love and dignity. To realize (to learn) what is my business and what is not my business. To always ask: Will this really matter in 10 years? I don't want to have a hard heart. Through all of these past 10 years, with my divorce and my son's situation, I have held on to that wish. I want to have good, healthy boundaries, not a hard heart or a cynical heart. right now, instead of resisting my son's not speaking to me, or pushing against that, I have been able to relax into it. I need this time to get my head and heart straight, after the decisions they have made and the words we exchanged. I need to get clear about my business and his business. I have reached out to good friends who have gently guided me here, and my husband has as well. I am much better about this, more quickly, even though it still hurts and I don't understand. I don't have to understand. I just have to accept. Wow, who ever thought life and relationships would be so hard? Especially those we love so much. Warm hugs to all today. Your words, all of you, help me grow every time. Writing here helps me grow, every time. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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