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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 658673" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>COM, I can so relate to your story about your sons wedding. This letting go stuff is so prominent in life, it is everywhere, all the time. </p><p></p><p>It reminded me of my relentless struggle last year about my granddaughter's inheritance and my worry about how she "should" spend her money. I thought is was my "job" and my "responsibility" to help her to spend that money in a practical and realistic way based on my own beliefs, understanding and knowledge. Over Christmas she and I had an argument about it. I was really angry and felt I was right. I emptied my feelings to my husband. And then this little light popped up in my otherwise dark mind, which said, "it's her money, not mine and she gets to spend it anyway she wants and if it all goes awry, she will have to deal with the consequences." I was working so hard to keep her from those consequences. <em>But, I did let go that day.</em></p><p></p><p>Fast forward to now. She spent ALL the money. Not too much to show for it, although she did pay her rent and down payment in her new place until October. Now she is scurrying around figuring it all out. Pretty much everything I thought would happen, actually happened. But, the part that I am now seeing is that SHE learned a valuable life lesson. SHE is dealing with the result of her actions just fine, she altered her course of action and is dealing with her choices. She has now seen the error of her ways, she is now responsible for herself in a way she would not have been, had I stepped in and pulled that money out and done it MY way. (which I SO wanted to do!) Letting go gave her the control to make the choices she wanted to make......she had that freedom.....and now she has the consequences. She is 19 and capable of handling it. She has a very new and very good relationship with money now which she didn't have before. She has a very new and very good relationship with responsibility now which she didn't have before. </p><p></p><p>And, <em><u>all</u></em> I had to do was let go. That part was a little tough, but when I did it, I felt free. And she asked me a little later to let go more, that she wanted to take over her life........mistakes are a part of it. She made mistakes. And, she learned. </p><p></p><p>As mothers it can be so hard to let go. We look down the road and see the possible pitfalls they can't see........but falling in to those pits and learning how to climb back out is what will give them strength, courage, resilience and self respect. </p><p></p><p>I just thought one day your son may say to you, "Mom, you were right about the wedding, I wish we had done it your way." In the meantime, seems our jobs are to let go, again and again and again. They are grown up people now. They don't need to know what we think is right, unless they ask us. Even then it's a slippery slope. We're learning though. And that is the best part, we CAN learn to change and to grow and to let go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 658673, member: 13542"] COM, I can so relate to your story about your sons wedding. This letting go stuff is so prominent in life, it is everywhere, all the time. It reminded me of my relentless struggle last year about my granddaughter's inheritance and my worry about how she "should" spend her money. I thought is was my "job" and my "responsibility" to help her to spend that money in a practical and realistic way based on my own beliefs, understanding and knowledge. Over Christmas she and I had an argument about it. I was really angry and felt I was right. I emptied my feelings to my husband. And then this little light popped up in my otherwise dark mind, which said, "it's her money, not mine and she gets to spend it anyway she wants and if it all goes awry, she will have to deal with the consequences." I was working so hard to keep her from those consequences. [I]But, I did let go that day.[/I] Fast forward to now. She spent ALL the money. Not too much to show for it, although she did pay her rent and down payment in her new place until October. Now she is scurrying around figuring it all out. Pretty much everything I thought would happen, actually happened. But, the part that I am now seeing is that SHE learned a valuable life lesson. SHE is dealing with the result of her actions just fine, she altered her course of action and is dealing with her choices. She has now seen the error of her ways, she is now responsible for herself in a way she would not have been, had I stepped in and pulled that money out and done it MY way. (which I SO wanted to do!) Letting go gave her the control to make the choices she wanted to make......she had that freedom.....and now she has the consequences. She is 19 and capable of handling it. She has a very new and very good relationship with money now which she didn't have before. She has a very new and very good relationship with responsibility now which she didn't have before. And, [I][U]all[/U][/I] I had to do was let go. That part was a little tough, but when I did it, I felt free. And she asked me a little later to let go more, that she wanted to take over her life........mistakes are a part of it. She made mistakes. And, she learned. As mothers it can be so hard to let go. We look down the road and see the possible pitfalls they can't see........but falling in to those pits and learning how to climb back out is what will give them strength, courage, resilience and self respect. I just thought one day your son may say to you, "Mom, you were right about the wedding, I wish we had done it your way." In the meantime, seems our jobs are to let go, again and again and again. They are grown up people now. They don't need to know what we think is right, unless they ask us. Even then it's a slippery slope. We're learning though. And that is the best part, we CAN learn to change and to grow and to let go. [/QUOTE]
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