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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 658692" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SS, my first thought was that the hours he texted and called are in the <u>middle of the night,</u> no thoughts at all for the fact that you would be sleeping. So, right off the bat, you know that he is not giving any thought at all to you and your husband, just his needs. </p><p></p><p>Well, I think I would step back and wait. You've been down this road many times with your son. If memory serves, if you don't respond immediately, that is when the lashing out begins. This is his urgency, not yours. His break-up, his addiction, his choice, his life. He is 34 years old. If he were 17, it would be different, but he is a grown man. Boys almost half his age serve in the military and face enormous struggles and don't call their parents in the middle of the night reciting their life story to gain sympathy so that their needs will be met. As you predicted, the manipulations have begun.</p><p></p><p>He knows you love him. He knows about 12 step groups. He knows how to get help if he were willing to change. He knows what to do.</p><p></p><p>I am practicing new ways to respond in my own habitual reactions.......the first step is to step back and wait. Examine the response you usually make, what is the purpose of your usual response? Then, <em>choose a different response.</em> </p><p></p><p>Sending both you and your husband a big hug SS. Don't hang out at home ruminating about what to do.......go out to lunch or for a walk......change the scenery and do something for yourselves.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 658692, member: 13542"] SS, my first thought was that the hours he texted and called are in the [U]middle of the night,[/U] no thoughts at all for the fact that you would be sleeping. So, right off the bat, you know that he is not giving any thought at all to you and your husband, just his needs. Well, I think I would step back and wait. You've been down this road many times with your son. If memory serves, if you don't respond immediately, that is when the lashing out begins. This is his urgency, not yours. His break-up, his addiction, his choice, his life. He is 34 years old. If he were 17, it would be different, but he is a grown man. Boys almost half his age serve in the military and face enormous struggles and don't call their parents in the middle of the night reciting their life story to gain sympathy so that their needs will be met. As you predicted, the manipulations have begun. He knows you love him. He knows about 12 step groups. He knows how to get help if he were willing to change. He knows what to do. I am practicing new ways to respond in my own habitual reactions.......the first step is to step back and wait. Examine the response you usually make, what is the purpose of your usual response? Then, [I]choose a different response.[/I] Sending both you and your husband a big hug SS. Don't hang out at home ruminating about what to do.......go out to lunch or for a walk......change the scenery and do something for yourselves. [/QUOTE]
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You guys told me-- D C always come back--Please advise
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